Wondering if I should be here

[Sugar and Spice]

Hopingbeyondhope, I don't post here as much as I once did and which our situations have some differences, there is enough similarity for me to put in my $.02 and you can take if for what its worth.

I went the "friendship" route and it is not something I would recommend to ANYONE! I wish now I would have taken the advice given to me way back when by many people, Puppy included. I can honestly say that if I had it to do all over again, I would have cut my H off cold-turkey in the beginning and probably would have saved myself untold hours of crying, IC & so much less pain. I tried to and succeeded in being a friend to someone who did not deserve my friendship, let alone my common courtesy, but I did it anyway for the same reasons you are citing.

I won't bore you with all the gory details, you can read my signature and look up my old posts, but it got REALLY ugly for a long time. I truly believe that my "friendship" was a HUGE enabler for this doomed R to continue as long as it did. Take it from me, and I speak from experience, save yourself the grief and gut-wrenching pain and do not be her friend, because she is not being yours. I can also tell you that for me, being a friend and knowing what I know (way more than I should have as a wife) has created problems for me. Its much easier to forgive things that you DON'T know vs. the things you do. It has created resentment and I think our recovery will be harder and slower BECAUSE of my insistence on being his "friend."

In the end you have to do whatever is in your heart, but this is an extremely painful and mind-numbing path so think long and hard before you start down it. Again, if I could do it again, I wouldn't have been mean to H, just set and stuck to better boundaries and loved myself enough to keep my distance. Inside I think I always felt that if I wasn't a friend that he would see that as me not "loving" him or OW winning. Now I know it would have been me loving me and him enough to put a stop to it.

Good luck and I'll check back in soon.