This is a more general question, but you can read my situation here sad story
So it's something that I brought up in my thread, but I was wondering about the take from other people.
My husband lied & cheated on me, felt guilty, told me, we separated, and I'm filing for divorce. We have 2 wonderful little girls. He doesn't want to divorce... it's a mess for everyone.
But what I was wondering was that in the short exchanges we have with each other, he sometimes acts that he's fine with the whole thing, understands why I can't be with him, etc. But after visiting their dad, my oldest daughter told me he's been crying and upset. This wkend, he sent me an email saying he was ok with everything, but that's not true. Bottom line:
HE'S STILL LYING TO ME.
I see advice here and other places that in these tough times, the person who is hurting more is told to disguise their feelings. Act like you don't hurt, or pretend that it doesn't upset you when you see the other person.
But it seems that if you were to do this, it's like the liar is pulling you down to their level, making you lie as well?
When my soon-to-be-ex asks if I'm doing ok, I tell him the truth. No, I'm very sad about it, but I'm also aware that I can't be married to someone who so easily lied to me.
In fact, that's why I married him, so I wouldn't have to lie and play games.
I get why people might lie about saying their happier than they are, so they can appear "strong" or "unconcerned" or whatever. But isn't that the whole point of being married to someone? That they know the REAL you, not the one that's desperately trying to act counter to how they feel.
So if someone pretends that they aren't sad or crying, even if you were to get back together, wouldn't you have somewhat sabotaged it by not being truthful?
