Pretty new around here, but I'm struck by how well you're handling the unexpected, and I know that you'll be left standing tall when all is said and done. You've stayed true to yourself, gave it everything you had, and maintained dignity and grace. A mentor of mine once said that "its OK to be uncomfortable" every now and then, but I think I saw Coach say it better somewhere on here when he said "embrace the suck".
As a product of parents who D'd when I was 5, I can tell you that everytime you do the right thing now for GIMA and for your kids, it will pay off a hundredfold down the line.
As I reflect about my situation as well as every other situation I've read on this forum, it becomes very clear to me that we really never had a chance in saving our marriages.
Are you sure of that?
No one here gave in to their pain or anger or resentment and said things that made the situation worse?
No one played mind games on or tried to manipulate their spouse to try to stir feelings of jealousy or uncertainty, only to have them blow up in their face?
No one succumbed to the temptation to demonize their spouses?
No one decided that their spouses' motivation to work on the R was spurred by rejection from the OP, or an attempt to screw them over in a divorce?
No one was so convinced of their own moral or ethical superiority that they couldn't forgive?
Because I've seen all of that, all over the place.
I've seen people say any number of variations of:
"I know I screwed up but I just couldn't help myself." "They may be mad, but oh well, it was their choice to go." "Sure, I made a promise to them, but they made a promise to be faithful to me." "I'm just giving them a taste of their own medicine." "I have to look out for myself, first." "Cheaters don't deserve any sympathy, they made their choice." "Why should I try to hold on to someone who doesn't want to be with me?"
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
