(((((Bunny))))) My opinion.... Just because you've become numb to something doesn't make it right. I think you aren't feeling upset and angry because you've been suppressing the feelings for so long that they just don't come.
You say the swinging wasn't a big deal to your H, then one of the first things he does is give you a camera, and encourage you so use it, shall we say, inappropriately. Do you see the inconsistency? To survive, you've deadened your emotions. For a few days there, you were feeling them, and they were real! Bunny, you were at the least seriously disrespected, if not raped by that other guy. That was real, too.
Don't try to minimize things. They've been real, and they are still affecting you!
