I'm giving up, told W I'll sign at the end of FEB

[TooLateForMe]

There's no crisis. I'm never going to drink. I don't need to. This will definitely be the focus of C, the next appt being tomorrow. What I need to do is control my self-loathing so that I can be of some benefit to STBX and daughters. I have no ego at this point and feel all the pain I've gone through is the result of my petulant, vapid delusion that I somehow deserved love and attention without having to return that love and attention. While I've figured this out, I can't take back the damage.

Histrionics, perhaps, but I feel stripped of any value or goodness. I would not forgive anyone else who hurt the woman I love. I can't fix this or even comfort her. Apologies are useless, though I have apologized. The sheer impotence will take some time to get used to and to recover from. But my concern is not for me.