The adventure chronicles

[AFWAW]

Well, that was a wasted email. She won't agree to the custody arrangement so it looks like it's going to be a contested divorce. Great.

[TrentC]

Well, that was a wasted email. She won't agree to the custody arrangement so it looks like it's going to be a contested divorce. Great.

That doesn't surprise me.

Making your stand and setting out your counter-proposal looked good, but the part where you went into detail about how much more a contested divorce would cost came across like you were talking down to her and trying to force her to capitulate.

[AFWAW]

It doesn't surprise me either but I had to try. I wasn't trying to talk down to her, just trying to give her the facts. Oh well, hopefully doing the right thing will pay off even though I'll probably be way in debt after this.

[TrentC]

It doesn't surprise me either but I had to try. I wasn't trying to talk down to her, just trying to give her the facts.

Her lawyer could have explained it to her as well, and she'd be more open to advice from him than from you.

As PDT says, there's a reason they put "v." between your name and hers. You are not her friend in this.

But what is done is done. Good luck.

[AFWAW]

As PDT says, there's a reason they put "v." between your name and hers. You are not her friend in this.

Good point!

[mindfull]

AFW - S

omething tells me once she figures out the "work" it takes to pursue her initial "proposal" to you, she will back down. It's not like she's been fighting for time w/daughter since she moved out, etc... She's hardly seen her, and no show'd quite a bit.

Don't stress too much.




Also, with the time it takes to move this stuff through court, delays, etc... your daughter will be old enough to decide!

[Looking_For_Help]

Hello AFWAW,

I'm surprised that your lawyer thinks that rotating custody wouldn't be allowed by the judge. I've had two lawyers here in FL tell me that it's becoming more common b/c the children are actually better adjusted when they get see their parents on an equal basis. You may want to obtain a second opinion. My W and I have agreed to 50/50 rotating custody...that's the route we're going. I'm going to follow-up as well to make sure.

Regards,
LFH

[Looking_For_Help]

AFWAW,

I also want to add what I found on-line:

The court shall determine all matters relating to custody of each minor child of the parties in accordance with the best interests of the child and in accordance with the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act. After considering all relevant facts, the father of the child shall be given the same consideration as the mother in determining the primary residence of a child irrespective of the age or sex of the child. The court shall order that the parental responsibility for a minor child be shared by both parents unless the court finds that shared parental responsibility would be detrimental to the child.

The court shall order "sole parental responsibility, with or without visitation rights, to the other parent when it is in the best interests of" the minor child. In ordering shared parental responsibility, the court may consider the expressed desires of the parents and may grant to one party the ultimate responsibility over specific aspects of the child's welfare or may divide those responsibilities between the parties based on the best interests of the child. The court may order rotating custody if the court finds that rotating custody will be in the best interest of the child.

For purposes of shared parental responsibility and primary residence, the best interests of the child shall include an evaluation of all factors affecting the welfare and interests of the child, including, but not limited to:


The parent who is more likely to allow the child frequent and continuing contact with the nonresidential parent.


The love, affection, and other emotional ties existing between the parents and the child.


The capacity and disposition of the parents to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care or other remedial care recognized and permitted under the laws of this state in lieu of medical care, and other material needs.


The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity.


The permanence, as a family unit, of the existing or proposed custodial home.


The moral fitness of the parents.


The mental and physical health of the parents.


The home, school, and community record of the child.


The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient intelligence, understanding, and experience to express a preference.


The willingness and ability of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent.


Evidence that any party has knowingly provided false information to the court regarding a domestic violence proceeding pursuant to s. 741.30.


Evidence of domestic violence or child abuse.

Any other fact considered by the court to be relevant.

[Based on Florida Statutes 61.121 and 61.113]

CHILD SUPPORT:
In a proceeding under this chapter, the court may at any time order either or both parents who owe a duty of support to a child to pay support in accordance with the state guidelines. The court initially entering an order requiring one or both parents to make child support payments shall have continuing jurisdiction after the entry of the initial order to modify the amount and terms and conditions of the child support payments when the modification is found necessary by the court in the best interests of the child, when the child reaches majority, or when there is a substantial change in the circumstances of the parties.

Each order for support shall contain a provision for health care coverage for the minor child when the coverage is reasonably available. To the extent necessary to protect an award of child support, the court may order the obligor to purchase or maintain a life insurance policy or a bond, or to otherwise secure the child support award with any other assets which may be suitable for that purpose. [Based on Florida Statutes 61.13]

Regards,
LFH

[AFWAW]

LFH,
Thanks for the info. My lawyer did relay some of this to me based on the info I gave her regarding my sitch. The problem w/ the 50/50 split in our case(my wife and I are both in the military)is that we will eventually be reassigned.

I sent my wife a reply to her email and told her that I would be contacting my lawyer tomorrow to pursue a contested divorce.

Not more than an hour later, she called and after talking with my daughter asked to speak with me. She told me "you win". I asked her how I won anything. She replied, that she had spoken w/ our daughter and that she would agree to the visitation arrangements that I proposed. She was crying when she did so. She went on further to say that she didn't want to pay child support but that she would provide for our daughter? I asked her why she thought she didn't have to pay CS? She broke down this time and said that she couldn't afford to pay the amount that she was paying before as she would not be able to afford her bills if she paid that much.

WOW. I didn't know what to say. I told her I would speak with my lawyer concerning the matter. She said, you still intend to go through a lawyer? I said, of course, why? She said, if you go through a lawyer, then I will too. I replied, ok, that's your right. She then went on to indicate that if I pursued our divorce through a lawyer then she would seek custody of our daughter? We went round and round for a few and then she finally said she wouldn't seek custody but didn't want to get screwed in the divorce. Ok, I told her I'd be in touch and hung up.

I haven't been this emotionally drained in a few months...

[AFWAW]

I'm surprised that your lawyer thinks that rotating custody wouldn't be allowed by the judge. I've had two lawyers here in FL tell me that it's becoming more common b/c the children are actually better adjusted when they get see their parents on an equal basis. You may want to obtain a second opinion. My W and I have agreed to 50/50 rotating custody...that's the route we're going. I'm going to follow-up as well to make sure.

I think my lawyer told me this based upon the fact that my daughter has been living with me for a year now and that my wife has not exercised frequent visitation with her, etc. That coupled with the fact that we will probably move would make this type of arrangement logistically and financially difficult to impose.