Hi there, this is what I told you before. Read back and breathe...
Hello--I admire you for trying one more time and it is a shame he is such a coward that he could not tell you his true situation. When you made that brave motion you allowed yourself some vulnerability and it hurt to learn that he was still the same person. He literally left everything behind, honey I know that feeling and it was after 24 years.
You sound very, extremely depressed. The guilties tell it all. His behavior is all about him and nothing to do with you. And just why would you think he is being nice to the new woman? And why would you want an abusive man back in your life? He was being abusive by lying to you besides. Passive aggressive. Bad news in a partner.
You would do well with a good clinical PhD psychologist who can help you see that you matter. Life may be hard sometimes without a man in your life, but it is much harder to deal with inappropriate guilt when you have done nothing wrong. You are doing a good thing by expressing your feelings here. Honor those feelings, pour them out, and stay strong. I never got answers as to why my x left me, see they do not want to tell because then you might offer a way to fix it and that is not what they want. And yes it could be a personality disorder but that's not the point. There are many mysteries in life, we can all ask why me God, and we will never know. It is not what happens but how we handle it. And it is not an easy path, better to learn sooner than later, that's my story and I am sticking to it:) Good luck, take a hot bath, and get some sleep. And eat. Those things will help you. Cheers, Wonder
