Trying to move on

[ClingingToHope]

Met with my IC today and I was having a rough morning. She's strange. She doesn't have any great insights really. She just lets me talk and chimes in. We went over the holidays and how I just ran out of emotional gas and now the D train is about to leave the station.

She's like me. She doesn't think there's an OM now, but she thinks W's dreaming of one -- that she has this fantasy life she thinks is out there once we get the D.

She thinks W, based on my description so it's biased, is the type of person who never gets severely depressed but is never really happy. She's always searching for something and at some point she began to focus on me, I must be the reason she's unhappy.

She said people like that a lot of times never really heal. The just keep searching and searching, always restless. They have to recognize the problem, seek counseling and a lot of times need medication.

W went to counseling last year for depression and the counselor urged her to go on anti-depressants. All of the other supervisors at her level in her job are on them so she didn't want to do it. She thought it would be weak.

We'll see. I've spent the rest of the day trying to focus on myself -- which is hard when W calls me four times to over scheduling stuff for the girls.

I'm really tired though. I kept waking up last night with my mind racing. So I slip back. I know little deadlines haven't helped me so far, but I keep thinking of them.

The D train should be in full throttle by D10's birthday in late February.

I'll be in Florida for my birthday.

I'm thinking of buying baseball tickets for my anniversary in late April so if nothing else I'll be out of town.

Memorial Day will likely suck. I haven't looked to see if it's W's weekend. If it is, she'll probably want to take the girls to the campground.

On and on it goes. Where my brain will stop nobody knows.