I agree, but it seems right now that my whole life has been defined wrongly by me and I feel pretty vulnerable and raw. Need to figure out how to see the good and not set myself up in bad situation.
Also trying to sort out to think about my situation and what will work? Do I think about what works for me or do I maturely compromise on getting some of what I want and dealing with "H" problem. All the family and friends I referred to may or may not have had significant problems - the difficulty for me is that my H has a several significant problems. What information do I make my decisions based on? I hear so many references to being happy as a goal - I love this man but his problems are extreme and harmful to our relationship. No one can give answers to my questions but some ideas or reactions might help me.
Kassie, don't put all the blame on yourself. I agree, in the end you are responsible for yourself, but the people whose bad behavior you tried to look past were responsible for that, as well.
From now on, it's about the present, and the future. Not the past!
Just caught your latest thread - sounds like fun over there. Last year when I first came here - I was with a fun group like that and they pulled me out of a dark hole - but I miss them.(i don't think most on here anymore) I left for awhile b/c it looked as though things were getting better. Now they aren't.
I did like your insight about the fear - I was never one to have any fear in my life until my current marriage. Don't know if it has to do with age or the situation. Been working on getting over the fear part - trying to make decisions not about the fear. Some days I see more clearly than others. Some days I feel stronger than others. Right now, H and I are not having any contact per my request. I am tired of the anger, the self centeredness and immaturity.
The family situation just magnified my fears hundred fold. Still trying to take one day at a time.
I hear you! I wish things were different. I really had hope in your sich with your H's sobriety. Guess it just goes to show some issues are not always A related!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Went to my first IC session and initially came out more confused than I went in. Been going over things and realized that this person only has a piecemeal picture of my life and my presentation was probably overly focused on recent drama.
Anyway, came to the realization that I have not been able to move forward in my life - not just b/c of H, it is me. I realize now that I lost a lot of my dreams in this relationship that I had when we met. I am not saying that I would have pursued them if we hadn't met or stayed together.
When I started here last year, people encourage each of us to go out and move forward in new ways with the hope that we either bring this newness back to our M or start a new life w/o them. I have not been able to do either one. I wonder a lot about that today. I used to be full of ideas and dreams most of which I managed to accomplish in my life. Now I don't care about any of it.
I think when my H came along and presented a very different picture of the rest of my life - it took awhile for me to adjust but eventually I got there. And this past year, I decided whether or not we reunited I could still make it happen for myself.
I am not blaming him for the loss of my ideas or dreams, I am just saying that i really have few interests right now or things I wish to pursue. I work at a demanding job all day, I have a variety of activity to unwind at night and weekends. I have no desire to go out or pursue any thing. GAL'ing just holds no interest for me - I have enough to do at home. Trying to imagine the rest of my life is much different now - what to do?
Woke up today wanting the day to be over already. Wanting to stay safe and cozy in my bed.
But, I sought out some positive readings and learned that it is ok to feel hurt and afraid. It is also ok to move forward step by step in accepting the day and all that it brings. I expect that I will be glad at the end of the day for different reasons.
I was wondering yesterday that there is a forum for surviving D but one for surviving separation or at least that is not how I interpreted this forum. Maybe it is just where I am right now. Not making decisions about my marriage, but making decisions about me. The marriage requires two people to make the decisions.
I hope others have a good day. Thanks for listening.
I was good for the most part today. Only sticking point was seeing my H's hand w/o ring and once again wondering how he can expect me to work on the M when his committment is in question. I also realized that it probably isn't there b/c he is angry and hurt that we did not spend the holidays together and I am refusing any contact. I then recognized that right now is about me and how I choose to see things and react to them. I did not want to be sad or angry so I let it go.
