feel like I am dying inside...

[BeABetterMe4Us]

No, my H is not getting help for his addiction. He actually didn't the first time he stopped drinking. He went to AA a couple of times, but then said that the meetings made him want to drink more, so he just stopped on his own.

Yes, I am still on medication. And I do feel better. It is weird, as long as I am reading my books and looking at myself and my issues I feel better, but if I miss a couple of days I fall backward into my controlling-self. I know that me trying to control everything is one of his big issues with me so I am really trying hard NOT to do that and to realize that I can't control him, I can only control my behavior (OMG, it is like I need to tell myself that 24/7...will it ever get easier?).

There is no transparency plan for the OW issue. Honestly, I think he would see that as controlling too...maybe so do I, but it would make me feel better.

Sometimes I wonder if counseling is good or not. Things seem to get worse afterward. H is an introvert by nature and does not really open up that much in counseling.

Thanks for writing back. I feel very alone.