One day at a time....

[Hope4us]

Rocked.

Again, all completely normal. Now that your M seems to be on the mend, all those pent up emotions are coming to the surface.

I remember the day my W told me she loved me, had always loved me and that she didn't know what the F she was thinking. We were in a crowded bar, sitting next to some friends, listening to one of our favorite performers, and it was everything I could to do to NOT totally break down right there.

That night, when we got back to the hotel, we ML and after W had fallen asleep, I laid there quietly crying for what seemed like hours. I'm sure it was only a half hour or so, but all these emotions came flooding back.

And I still have those moments. I don't let her see them. She already has too much chit of her own to deal with and I don't need her feeling any more guilty than she already does, but there are times when I'm driving that I'm screaming at the top of my lungs "how could you frickin do this", crying the whole time.

Just let it out. It's ok for your H to understand your pain and from what you've written, it seems like he does, but he could get overwhelmed and give up if he thinks he's doing the right things (which he is) and you're still having these episodes.

Does that make sense?

[rockedworld]

H4U,
Yes. That completely makes sense. That is very reassuring to me that a. I'm not going crazy when I have these emotional rants/cries etc. and b. it is probably best (I can trust my gut) that my H not see too much of this yet. The guilt/remorse is really kicking in more and more all the time for him... I can see it happening. On the one hand, I don't want to and should not rescue him from that. He needs to feel the consequences of his choices. But, on the other hand, I don't need to make it worse. Wow, it is quite a delicate balance we keep at times, isn't it?

OK... I'm still on the right track and I'm still gonna be ok no matter what.

Thank you!

[kara]

Hiya RW

Just checking out where you are with your sitch. You sound positive about where you are going and what you are doing. I know it must be hard work piecing and it takes a lot of strength. You go, girl!

[rockedworld]

Hiya RW

Just checking out where you are with your sitch. You sound positive about where you are going and what you are doing. I know it must be hard work piecing and it takes a lot of strength. You go, girl!

Thanks Kara!

[rockedworld]

Journaling:

Rough day today. No reason, really. Found that I woke up this a.m. with thoughts of what I would like to say to OW. And that opened doors for anger. When I let myself go there, it is intense! I feel so much more for her than H. Is that common? Don't get me wrong, I'm angry with H, but because we are piecing, and because I knew and loved him for over twenty years, that softens it. Plus, he is so remorseful and making such efforts. But her.....I did not know i had the capacity for this much anger before this. I would never confront her... she is not worth it, and it would do no good. But, oh the things I would like to say! Maybe I should write one of those letters you never give to the person but just lets you vent. Then I can rip it up.... hmmmm...I'm going to think about that.

[Butterfly1]

I would totally recommend writing the letter, and then tearing it up, throwing darts at it, burning it, whatever. You have to get those feelings OUT so they don't burn you up. Once you can get your feelings out, you might see she isn't worth any of it and is a piece of dirt for interfering with your M.

[kara]

RW

We all have that anger towards OW and it can be very intense. They chose to step into a M seemingly without any thought as to what it would do to another woman. I don't care what they heard from our Hs , it is just not acceptable. They don't know our history, what issues we face and they participate in what is one of the most cruel things one woman can ever do to another.

Why is our anger at our Hs not as intense? It is tempered by love, as you say. It is something that I wonder about many times.

Write the letter. I have read many times that you should pray for OP. Some days I have been able to do it. Other days , not so much .

I know how to contact OW but I will just leave her to Jesus as a good friend of mine would say. LOL.

[Lost Rabbit]

Hi Rocked

All good advice here, its good to know youre not going mad, H showed me some photos which brought up emotions, one of his parting lines was "after you were ill I was just glad you wernt dead" that was nearly ten years ago, so for me the last ten years are questionable. But although sometimes I cant control the hurt and have a little cry, most of the time I just try to apply the 50% truth theory to it, H told me not to think too much about it, personally Id prefer to hear that it wasnt the case just his fog talking but maybe that will come!

On the letter front I used to do that to H when he went AWAL, writing to him everyday got a lot of anger out and onto to paper about how I felt about him, and filled the whole of not being able to speak to him whilst NC and hitting the delete button helped with the frustration. So give it a go it can only help!

[rockedworld]

Write the letter. I have read many times that you should pray for OP. Some days I have been able to do it. Other days , not so much .

I know how to contact OW but I will just leave her to Jesus as a good friend of mine would say. LOL.

Thanks Kara,

You know this whole sitch has been such an eye opener for me in so many ways. I have never before felt the emotion "hate". Anyone who knows me would likely describe me as caring, accepting, generous etc. So, to battle intense hatred and anger like this, it is a new experience for me and I don't like it! At this point, there is no way on earth I can pray for her. Not possible. Maybe someday. I am, however, trying every day just to release all of this to God, because I do believe there is such a thing as karma...

I also could very easily contact OW. When H and I worked on the transparency, I now have her phone number, email address, msn etc. I doubt she has changed any contact info. I also know where she works. But... I know it would be of no good. No good could come of it. H and I talked about this last night. Again, he was very supportive. Just let me vent. Held me and reassured me. THAT is what is important. I have to remember that.

Rabbit... thanks for your encouragement too. I know my emotions are normal and valid. It just helps to get them out here where people can understand like no one else.

[pearlharbr]

Rocked, just got home and catching up on everyone.

Sorry you had a bad day yesterday. BTDT. I'm with the others, write the letter then destroy it. It's a healthy way of getting the feelings out.

It is interesting that we end up hating the OW more. I was thinking about this before. Shouldn't we be angrier at our men because they were the ones who were in committed relationships? But I think you're right, because we have chosen to build a new R with them we have softened our stance.

I had always vowed to never be an OW because women should not do that to each other. I have a gf who was seeing a married man for a time. I read her the riot act. Why on earth would she mess with someone else's relationship? How would she feel if the situation were reversed? I told her to stop it immediately because karma is a bitch and it would catch up to her. And this was years ago before my sitch started.

Plus the one piece of advice my mother gave me that I have always remembered was this: Never marry a man who leaves his wife for you because he will leave you just as easily for the next one. Don't they see this? Grrr.

Ok, getting off my soap box. I hope you have a better day today and get to relax.