Ok guys. I disagree with you, but I'll trust your judgement.
***But let me tell you all how you're wrong . . . right?
Kat, It seemed like last night she had decided it needed to be done. That's why I even brought the subject up. Honestly, the way she said it, it was almost like she wanted me to say something.
***Go back and re-read your initial post to us, H4U. SHE WASN'T EVEN IN THE ROOM WHEN THAT PART OF THE NEWS REPORT CAME UP. You brought it upon yourself to repeat it, for her, just to see what kind of reaction you could get from her!
Puppy, What has changed is that she's pretty darn fog free ***so naturally you feel now is a good time to try and "fix her" . . .
and is seeing clearly and for her to respond like that during our discussion kind of leads me to believe she's truly taking responsibility for her actions and if an apology to OMW is something that she agrees needs to be done, then why not in the course of "our" discussions . . .
***Let me ask you something:
Quote:
Well....last night W and I were having dinner at our bar/grill and there was a news report on the big screen about Tiger Woods and more of the crap coming out about him and his women (how many we up to now?). We started discussing a show we had watched Tues night about the whole Tiger mess.
*** . . . did YOU initiate the "discussion," or did she?
, simply ask her IF she'd ever considered sending OMW that apology? Given that, I don't see it as trying to fix her, ***I know you don't see it that way; that's why I'm trying to point it out to you.
but help her with deal with that guilt that she still struggles with.
Again, I never said I was going to force her to do it. I was just going to bring it up in conversation and let the convo go from there.
***And it's not just because you're not suggesting you FORCE it that we think it's a bad idea! Have you ever heard of the term "let sleeping dogs lie"??
H4U, you know I have the utmost respect for you, and how you handled your sitch. I've told you -- sincerely -- that I don't think I could have done it. You're at an amazing place with your wife right now, considering what happened and how long it took her to come to her senses, but it's BECAUSE of that miracle that I don't want to see you blow it.
I've brought this up to you before, and who knows, maybe I'm the only one who sees this, but I see in you an unhealthy obsession with wanting to talk about affairs with your wife. You seem to want to take every TV show, every movie you watch, every Oprah episode or song on the radio or whatever, as a reason to want . . . shall I say "a teachable moment" with your wife? About infidelity? It's as if you're taking a stance of "You didn't used to see how broken and wrong you were, but I'm SO glad you're fog-free now, and I can show it to you. Don't you agree, wife, that this is really wrong? Can you even BELIEVE how society views this thing called adultery? You're so lucky to have ol' Hope4Us here to point this out to you, and help you thru it . . ."
Now, obviously I'm exaggerating here, for effect, but I HAVE mentioned this to you before. You've done this with your wife several times now, and precisely BECAUSE she is a stubborn, "I-don't-wanna-dwell-on-my-own-chit" kinda gal (I should know; I'm also married to one, remember???) that I think YOU'RE PLAYING WITH FIRE TO KEEP DOING THIS.
For me, it's enough that she responded the way she did.
***Apparently, it's not . . .
But I can see a huge benefit in her writing an apology, even if she doesn't send it, to help in forgiving herself.
****THIS JUST SCREAMS, "I AM TRYING TO FIX HER!!!"
I posted this before, but when we were in Fla in Nov, I asked her if she'd forgiven herself and she said she thought she had, but when I bring it up, she thinks maybe she hasn't. That kind of tells me that if she doesn't think about it, she doesn't think about it so if there's something ***or someONE? you, maybe???
that brings some of that stuff out and gets her to really think about it, then why not? And if writing an apology letter, even without sending it, helps her in that regard, why not?
One other interesting thing from last night. We were talking to the bartender. She's a nice woman, 21 yrs old. She was telling us about this guy she'd gone out with a couple times and she found out he's married. This guy told her he'd been separated for a couple years but couldn't afford a D. His wife and kids are living in Fla and he was in Ohio because he's moving here and starting his life over. The bartender said she was ok with dating him if he'd been separated for 2 years and was going to D, but then she learned that he recently went to see his kids and stayed with his W (but I'm sleeping on the couch) and then the dik admitted he'd slept with his wife while he was home. So the bartender said "uh...we're done, I'm not dating a married man" and my W said "DON'T GO THERE, YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE"! Wow. Oh how the times have changed.
Given that conversation and the comments about an apology, I just thought maybe it would be a good thing to discuss.
