The W came over last night to drop off the kids. Normally, this is her night to have them but she had an early flight this morning so having them stay with me is easier. She thanked me for the favor. I did not say anything but I do not consider it a favor to watch the kids.
She was all dressed up and I am sure she was going to see the OM before she left town. This bothered me but not as much as it use to. She gets back early on Friday. I expected her to ask if she could come by and say hi to the kids when she gets back. She simply said she would pick them up on Saturday. Although, I like a strict adherence to the pareting plan we have developed, I have always been flexible and have allowed her to come by and see the kids when she misses them. So her actions tell me she is choosing to be with the OM, rather than being with her kids. I am really starting to question what kind of mother she is.
I was kind of in a fed up mood last night so I was nice but cold at the same time. When she was leaving I basically blew her off. I am kicking myself this morning for being too cold and was thinking about sending her an email to apologize but I am not sure if that wold have any value.
No, don't send the email. Just remember next time to be more friendly. I think I missed an opportunity to lay a little physical affection on my W last Saturday as she was leaving and there was that akward moment where do I hug her, do I kiss her, is she open to that. I think being friendly opens those opportunities to experiment in the moment.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Enough about me and my sitch, how bout you. Your wife is out of town on business right? How are the kids? What are you doing with them that is fun? What are you going to do this weekend for yourself that is fun for you? Personally if I had a weekend this time of year I would go skiing. I love the solitude when I am skiing. You ought to treat yourself to something this weekend.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Received about 5 inches of snow in St. Louis last night, which means "snow day' for the kids. I work from home (luckily) so took the kids sledding for awhile. Thus, the kids are good. Thanks for asking.
I joined a co-ed volleyball team, we have a practice on Saturday and then our first game on Sunday. However, this weekend is mainly going to be about putting away christmas decorations and playoff football. By the way, I am gong with Texas tonight by a TD (37 o/u).
The W called last night (and left a message) to let me know I could go by her house and pick up the kids snow boots. She said she would call tonight and see how things are going, which is a little unusual for her, but not a big deal one way or the other. I still have quite a bit of anxiety about things but I have been trying some deep breathing techniques, coupled with some jogging. As with you I want to feel great and being positve, as you have recommeded, is a good first step.
Sounds good, do you have any good friends coming over to watch the playoffs? I try to not be alone at home too much myself, I used to love having the house to myself but now not so much. Great on the volleyball thing, good GALing.
Does she call at night to say "goodnite" to the kids when they are with you? If she calls tonight and it is unusual for her to do so, I would write it down in a journal or mark it in a calendar.
Glad you got to have fun with the kids in the snow!! Look for me to post in Newcomers tonight, I hope I get alot of input.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
When the W is away from the kids for 3 days, she will usually come by the house in the morning before school on the third day to say hi. She is not getting that this week and hence the calls. I know that is not postive thinking but it is real. I know she will be bored in her hotel room so, assuming she calls I am going to try to initiate some conversation.
Right or wrong, I will be providing input tonight. What is your plan of attack?
Actually, I think it is positive, you are remembering that she has choosen a life (for now) apart from the kids, negative thought. The positive is that she is calling. Somewhere down in that green alien goo is your wife, trying to contact her old life, her children, her home, her husband. She is removed from the high of the OM and she might even be thinking a little more clearly. I think this is a perfect time to talk to her, you know OM is not there and worst case scenario he calls while you are on the phone with her. Lets hope he is out at a bar drinking beer and making time with another female of the species. If for some reason she does not call, I would call her. Breaking the rules but at this point what do you have to lose?
My plan of attack for the MC session which is not scheduled yet is to seek the advice of as many wise DB masters that troll the newcomer's forum as possible. I'll add more in a minute I am on S9's computer one of those small $200 acer's. Can hardly fit my fingers on the keys. Back in a minute.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I'm back, I should post this on my sitch but since you asked here I'll respond here. I met wife to drop off S9 for dinner with her and her roommates (House owner and another young girl). S13 actually considered going out to dinner if it was going to be all 4 of us. The house owner, (57 year old divorced lady that supposedly has it all together, runs marathons, drives and audi seems to magically have money etc. etc. etc., my W aspires to be just like this woman) was fixing a special dinner and my W could not back out. No problem, W was nice and upbeat as was I, we made good eye contact, nice smile, wait that's my old W. I see her every now and then and it is nice. I asked if she talked to her IC to set appt. she said that she called and left message. Depending on when appt. is I think I am going to call my DB coach for advice also. Okay I may be on late or wait until tomorrow night. Kick off is in 15 minutes and I have had a couple of drinks, feeling good, I'll take Alabama for the title.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Roll Tide, I hope you didn't have any money on the game. I will seek wisdom from the DB masters tomorrow night. Enjoy the time with your kids tomorrow.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I went for it last night and called the W. I left her a message stating I thought she would want to have an update on the kids and that I had been having a rough few days at work and hearing a nice voice would be good. (I never do the latter so I am not concerned about pursuant behavior, plus I never call her at night.) She called back..a little suprising. We had a nice conversation for about 20 minutes or so. I mainly asked questions and shut up. When everything is out of mind or shoved to the side, we still get along great. She did ask if she could come over today and say hi to the kids. My first thought was "no, we need to stick to the paretning plan and get use to the fact, this is he way it is". Then again, I want to be flexible. I may want the same opportunity when she has the kids...she is coming by this evening to say hi.
Conversations like last night really cloud the situation from my perspective. My W is the master at living in the moment and setting aside differences and/or issues in that moment so that she does not have to deal with them...this gives her the ability to be happy even if it is superficial. Thus, she is impossible to read!!
I am still questioning my approach. I know I have brought this stuff up before but it is important to me so...
I feel that if I am friendly to my W, I am for all intent and purposes, letting her off the hook. I am making it easier for her to be with the OM becuase she will feel less guilt about what she is doing i.e.,she can have a friendly R with the H and a R with the OM all wrapped up in a nice little package. Again, the best of both worlds for her.
The other approach is to take off the gloves, i.e., there is a third party involved and I will not stand for that, I have my pride and I do not want anything to do with you until you stop with the bad behavior. Is this approach DB'ing or are you throwing up the white flag?
I then asked myself last night what kind of R do I want with my W say two years from now when the pain is gone and I have truely uprooted, even if she has married the OM. What would our R be like right now if there was no pain involved? The answer to both is friends.
I have told her I want her to be happy. If I truely love my W, I should be happy that she is happy and then try like hell to make this a positive experience. When did I get so sentimental?
How many people last night with money on the game soiled themselves when Colt went down?
