I get stuck because I know the underpinnings of the whole thing are based on commitment. And until he says he is committed, I don't have any idea what the big picture looks like. I sure as heck know what I DON'T want. Maybe I should tell him the big picture of what I want in my life/a relationship...?
yes!! knowing what you "dont want" helps you weed out bad plans.. but you cant plan what a good marriage looks like, based on what you "dont want". you need to identify what you DO want, and put it up there, so you have something to aim TOWARDS, rather than something to run away from. If you want to get to the north pole, you could mistakenly define that as "well, I know I dont want to go SOUTH..." But that can take you a whole lot of other places that are neither north nor south.
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when *can* I make a demand?
ya know... maybe you need to take an old fashioned female approach to this. (waitaminit.. I'm attempting to coach a woman, about being female??!! oh well, lets go with it.. )
in old school stereotypes, men demand, but women... just kinda get their way, without the men realising it, and without ever realising there was ever a "fight" [goes back to the old "Men Are Dumb" mantra! never forget it ]
There is a difference between "identifying what you want", and "demanding what you want". There is a difference between "pressuring for what you want", vs "making progress". You can make progress, without direct force. You have already applied "force/pressure". It worked: you got his attention. Now use what you have gotten (before it fizzles out again! you dont have much time on this before momentum wears out! coupla days at most I would guess!)
Now, I'm too male to be able to offer you SPECIFICS on how you do this... but maybe, after you have identified what YOU want in the relationship... you get him to go along with it somehow, using feminine wiles. And by that, i do NOT mean sex!!! I mean more of the gentle-spoken, come-along-with-me-it'll-be-fun sort of approach.
The tricky bit, is getting his... "head"... to understand, that "commitment", and "fun", are not mutually exclusive. Maybe you need to remind yourself of that first
eh.. I could ramble on for an hour attempting to explain what I mean, but maybe i've given you enough positive ideas?
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
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