Trying LRT - Please Help!

[motherof3]

Oh boy. Conflicting advice. What to do?

I read your first/last posts. I have some 2x4's. I hope you don't mind the unsolicited advise....

First off, thanks for reading my thread. 2x4’s are always welcome. How else will I learn and grow?

Fist question: Do you know if H has OW?

Not that has been confirmed. But of course has been denied (prior to implementing DB). Short of hiring a PI, I have tried to exhaust all options of investigation. Since he has moved out and setup a separate banking account I don’t have access to things that would offer a lot of clues. My only source of info now is his blackberry phone records. Unbeknownst to him, I can access them online. Nothing out of the ordinary is showing up. However, with that said, I find it very hard to believe someone would just up and walk away without having someone waiting in the wings. I am not naïve, I just haven’t been able to come up with any proof and have stopped trying to do so.

I would suggest to stop beating the horse.....The reasons you do the changes are for YOU and your happiness. Then you will feel different.

Noted.

I would also like to strongly suggest you dress with style every day. Do it for you! H has huge walls up. Other men do not. Enjoy attention from others. Hold your boundaries. Accept their compliments.
Same here. Do your rituals in the morning. Look, smell and feel good all the time. (For you)

Done. Most of the things outlined in my above post were not recent additions or changes on my part. Lately, I have been dressing with style, etc. for me because I want to not because H may see me.

I haven’t been initiating any conversation with him

Good. Move away faster than he is. Let him chase you.

LOL. He hasn’t quite caught on to this chasing concept yet.

since I have been trying to go dark.

YODA: "There is no try, only do or not do"

Trying in the sense it is difficult because of the kids. We have no communication whatsoever outside of issues revolving around the kids.

I would like to suggest you set a boundary. This is no longer his house. He has chosen to move out. He is no longer welcome in. (Counter intuitive) . It is important for you to reject him. Projecting strength is attractive.

The minute after he moved out, I changed the locks.

Is being nice a 180? if it is great. If not, a possible 180 would be "Being cold".

Being nice is not a 180 for me. Where do I draw the line from being cold to frozen?

Send H blessings. Think positive thoughts of him. He is hurting.

I know he used to hurt because of his choice of moving out etc. But I think he has moved past this hurt now.

This has been presented to me over and over again in both his actions and words.

LISTEN TO HIM.

Now that would be a 180.

In the past I would carry all this anger and resentment with me

How are you releasing this now?

I am not really sure. I think I have just let it go.

and have let some good opportunities of interaction with H pass me by.

Did that make things better or worse?

Worse. Let me rephrase. I have let some good opportunities of positive interaction with H pass me by. At that time, I was still holding onto anger and resentment and it showed.

What type of dancing???

Rumba. Should be interesting.