Trying LRT - Please Help!

[Ready2Change]

Hi Mo3!

I read your first/last posts. I have some 2x4's. I hope you don't mind the unsolicited advise....

Fist question: Do you know if H has OW?

...I will try it all again tonight, but feel like I am beating a dead horse....

I would suggest to stop beating the horse.....The reasons you do the changes are for YOU and your happiness. Then you will feel different.

Wear something cute

I would also like to strongly suggest you dress with style every day. Do it for you! H has huge walls up. Other men do not. Enjoy attention from others. Hold your boundaries. Accept their compliments.

Smell great.

Same here. Do your rituals in the morning. Look, smell and feel good all the time. (For you)

I haven’t been initiating any conversation with him

Good. Move away faster than he is. Let him chase you.

since I have been trying to go dark.

YODA: "There is no try, only do or not do"

My biggest obstacle is that he won’t cross the threshold into the house to even have a simple conversation.

I would like to suggest you set a boundary. This is no longer his house. He has chosen to move out. He is no longer welcome in. (Counter intuitive) . It is important for you to reject him. Projecting strength is attractive.

I can start by asking how he is feeling now

pursuing. Is being nice a 180? if it is great. If not, a possible 180 would be "Being cold".

Prior to going dark I would ask him how he was doing to try and start up a conversation and the usual response was ‘fine’. Period. Conversation over, meaning H wasn’t in the talking mood, at least with me.

Treat him like a cat. Do not initiate any personal talk. IT IS NOT WORKING. Do what works.

I will try to come up with some little news worthy tidbit to discuss.

WHY??? Stop pursuing.

And now that you mention it, the last time he dropped off the kids I had just finished baking cupcakes. He did comment on the smell. Hmmm. Maybe I will bake a batch of cookies tonight.

If you are making them for you and kids, great! If it is to PURSUE him, then NO.

I just don’t know how to chip away at this if he isn’t even willing to have a conversation with me and avoids contact (at least from my POV) at all costs.

By working on you. Ignoring H. Not pursuing. Accept that he is gone right now. Move on without him. Make positive change FOR YOU.

He doesn’t ask questions of me and doesn’t seem to care about my whereabouts.

MIRROR HIS ACTIONS. Distance yourself more than he has. BE MYSTERIOUS.

I used to GAL to be mysterious and make him wonder. It doesn’t even seem to faze him. He seems to be at a point where he just doesn’t care. I no longer GAL for him, it is all about me now.

Great! Get to happy alone. Get to confident alone. Get to sexy alone. DO IT FOR YOU.

The love buckets are not being filled I guess.

Fill your own love bucket. Do not look to others to make you happy. Live each day by filling your own love bucket. Wake up, enjoy breathing, enjoy your morning rituals, enjoy the shower, enjoy every minute of your day......

I agree 100% that rebuilding a friendship base is the first step.

The first step is reducing and elliminating any negative feelings. Forgiveness is the key. Empathy, understanding and compassion are important also. Send H blessings. Think positive thoughts of him. He is hurting.

But H has stated on several occasions to me that he doesn’t even want to be friends. At least not now, maybe down the road he says. But he doesn’t want anything to do with me currently.

That is why it is very important for you to take a break from the R and work on you. When H is ready, he will come back. When he does, you need to reject him "I have a lot to think about and need time to process what you just said".

This has been presented to me over and over again in both his actions and words.

LISTEN TO HIM.

I know this is going to take a great deal of time and patience.

Perseverance is key. Contently waiting over a long period of time. Being happy in the curent sitch is very important.

But I can’t even seem to peel off the first layer of that onion.

That first layer is HIS RESPONSIBILITY.

In the past I would carry all this anger and resentment with me

How are you releasing this now?

and have let some good opportunities of interaction with H pass me by.

Did that make things better or worse?

I feel that I am finally at a point where these feelings don’t creep to the surface anymore. Well, at least not in his presence.

This is good. Keep this up. Focus on getting to the point where you have good feelings even when he is not interacting with you.

As for working on me, Friday night I am taking some group dancing lessons.

Sounds fun. What type of dancing???

It is something that I have always wanted to do

Beautiful! Have a great time. You deserve it.

but H had no interest in dancing

WHO CARES....

Other than that, I have the kids with me all weekend and plan to enjoy the time spent with them.

Enjoy every minute with them.