In my divorce stipulation our mediator put the following:
Each parent agrees to support the other parent's relationshp with the child and agrees to abide by the following:
1- Neither parent will do anything to estrange the child from the other parent.
2- If the child develops a negativity toward a parent, then the other parent is responsible to assist in elminating the negativity through discussion and counseling as needed.
I would make appointments for yourself & your children together & separately for them to have someplace safe to deal with their emotions & teach you both how to communciate better in a place where you are both hearing the same expectations.
Personally I would put the note to your wife on hold until this sitatuion with your kids was under control better.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.