Hi RDW. Perhaps you could go on the path. 1 to 2 hours a week. Any questions you ask. Are answered. Then when you get around this... Stretch out the weeks.
And make sure that he understands that you just want the question answered no more. You are a border guard. Or a cop. So please do not say anything more than answer the exact question that was asked.
ANd each time this session is done. You both go for a walk. Hold hands. And just walk in silence. And each time he looks at you. Just smile. Say nothing.
And when the the walk is done. Kiss him. And tell him thank you. Then leave it at that.
Rocked, have you seen your doctor about the sleep issue? I can't remember. I love my Ambien prescription. I only used it for a week or so last January when it was the worst, then I got back on track. But I do take one from time to time when I can't sleep (I've always had sleep problems). Just saying that it's better to get help and get it taken care of sooner rather than later. My BFF's mom has had severe insomnia since July (no discernable reason). She refused to take any meds for several months and now she's so worked up about not sleeping that the meds don't work.
At least you're getting the house cleaned! I have all the free time in the world and just can't get motivated to clean. Need to take the tree down today and I still haven't started. Ugh. If it will help, do put on a cute pair of pumps. Remember Mrs. Cleaver was always wearing heels and pearls. Not practical, I know, but dressing up always lifts my spirits.
I have seen the Dr. about the sleep issues. I have meds that I use. I am concerned about becoming dependent on them, but at this point, with having to be back at work, I need to use them until things settle out a bit more.
Like the idea of cleaning the house in a cute pair of pumps! Gotta try that sometime....
Rocked, Wanted to share something I read online that has helped me quite a bit. Don't think I can post a link, but if you go copy and paste this you should be able to get there.
When the time is right, I plan on sharing with W also. I feel like we're pretty much getting there, but there are a few things she could do to get us over that last hurdle and if she reads this, maybe it'll help her see things from my POV and not so much how this has all affected her.
Hope it helps.
H4U, Thank you so much for this link! I have not had time to read it all yet, but it looks really good... I'm glad you mentioned "when the time is right, I plan on sharing with W also." I don't think the time is right to share this with H, things are still pretty fresh and raw. Had another trigger last night and we talked about it. H was quite shocked to find out I have images burned in my mind of them together... what I have imagined of them together. It didn't even occur to him that I would be experiencing anything like that. It seemed to create a deeper level of remorse for him, as well as a deeper level of empathy that he has for me. It was one step further along for us...
Good to hear you are able to start discussing your Triggers with H, Im just happy/grateful that my H sees Im struggling and gives me a touch on the shoulder or a kiss to comfort or reassure me he knows even if he doesnt understand! Hope work is going well and that youre sleeping is a bit more sorted (())
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
So, H making lots of positive steps in the right direction. He calls me from work frequently, spending lots of time with me and kids, initiating lots of affection and conversation, checking in with how I am doing, attending IC appointments and sharing lots with me about how that is going, etc etc. All good. We are experiencing levels of emotional and physical intimacy that I don't think we ever experienced before. And, I really thought we had been close prior to his disengaging before the A.
What I am finding is that the better he is starting to do, and the better WE are doing as a couple, the more my emotions are coming to the surface. I will leave H in the morning from a wonderful morning of affection and teasing, light banter... to get in my car and burst into tears and start ranting about how could he do this to me etc. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes! I am reading that this is actually quite normal, but it's exhuasting!
I got so used to "acting as if" during DBing... is that what I am still doing? Am I not being real enough with my emotions in front of him? Should I be showing him more of this? Don't get me wrong, we talk a lot about everything that has happened and I am honest about my pain and anger, and he has seen my breakdown from triggers, etc.
I don't know... I guess just curious about whether others experienced this so intensely, is this normal? What did you do with all these emotions?
I have been having similar feelings/thoughts/meltdowns. And I am not getting half of what you are getting from your H right now. Imagine if I ever get to that point!!!! (I actually shared with him a few of my triggers that ruined my mood last we went out, still havent heard from him-via email).
For me, it feels that once I get these reassurances (and keep getting them) I will at some point be ready to get rid off the control these images/triggers have on me so that I can register new memories/emotions/feelings.
IMO, it sounds that you are doing great. I think time is your answer... (and drinks/medication/shopping therapy/ etc etc LOLOL) Stay strong, you ARE doing great. K
Gotta try that sometime....