I'm giving up, told W I'll sign at the end of FEB

[TrentC]

I said some stupid things about "shooting" anyone she slept with and cutting back contact contact w/ the girls. This was mostly hyperbole but fueled her anger.

This worries me far more than this...

It came out that I raped her one night after I had blacked out. I don't remember this and she always thought I had. When the full force of this I promised to sign the D papers at the end of Feb to give me time to absorb this.

I didn't know... She doesn't deserve me. She's better than that. I deserve what I get. I'm a monster. It was a long time ago but I wish she would press charges. She won't.

Why won't she press charges? Maybe she forgave you? Maybe she saw it as a symptom of the drinking, which is the much bigger problem? Maybe she is exaggerating a bad case of drunken, unsatisfying sex?

The rape happened a long time ago, and I'm not really qualified to offer any opinion as to why she did not report you, or tell you about it before now.

But just last night you threatened her potential suitors and to cut off contact with your kids, out of "hyperbole". You actually thought that was appropriate?

You can flagellate yourself and change your screen name all you want. I think a better place to start would be:

* Get into AA, now.
* Look into counseling for anger management, now.