A couple of thoughts to ponder, Cutter, that jumped out at me from reading your thread:
- Normally, when someone communicates as much as you did to us how much they are "dropping the rope," or how important it is to them that they come across as dropping it . . . they haven't dropped it yet.
- It is always best to make potentially life-changing decisions when you're NOT experiencing ANGER. I felt a ton of anger (maybe "righteous indignation" would be a better term?) churning beneath the posts where you recounted your phone conversation with your wife, and the one with your SIL.
Don't get me wrong -- anger is neither good nor bad, in and of itself, and you have every reason of course to feel it. It's HEALTHY. Just be careful that you don't make big decisions when you're in the midst of feeling it.
Puppy
Thanks for the questions. I will clarify these and a few from before. As I have thought about this way too much this week.
I dropped the rope to ladybug. Not myself. I am still pondering those thoughts. Still carrying on the path. I am a patient man. But my primary concern is for myself not my marriage at this point. No anger. No fear. I don't know. I do not hide the hurt and disappointment. I just felt it was time to let ladybug know that she no longer has control over me. That I am making decisions now that are only for my benifit. That she thinks I have let her go. I have waited to do this for a little while. I also debate if I could ever forgive her for everything she has done. Fog or no fog its hard to think of your wife living with another man. And all that goes along with that. That I know you understand very well. I also did this to help speed her along to rock bottom. I still want to bust the affair. But I am starting to think she is not of a strong enough character to want to improve herself and admit her mistakes.
Do I still love ladybug? Yes I do. I will not hide that from myself. The song Michelle by the beatles expresses how I feel about her. It will fade with time. But I still love her very much. When I think of her in passing thought. Its not with disgust.
Perhaps I am starting to think ladybug is not worth the sacrifice and effort.
As I have said. I am still process all this.
Next step is to see how I am in the same room as her.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
