Maybe I missed something. I follow a lot of threads. Why would you NOT take her up on this offer? This is what transparency is all about!
Puppy
I had a feeling you might say that Puppy. For some reason, it just seemed right in the moment to hold back. I was showing her that I am trying to exhibit self control and not be controlling of her. Had I taken her up on the offer, eventually, it would have came back at me as controlling.
Then, at a minimum, I think you should have said "I hope you are serious about that. PLease give it some more thought, and if you're really ready for full transparency, I would really welcome that."
You have to learn to sift the wheat from the chaff. It seems to me she threw a real big morsel o' WHEAT at you there. I could be wrong, of course, and she could have just as easily been offering an insincere PIECE of transparency (think Saddam, letting the UN inspectors inspect just ONE nuclear plant), while she cheerfully carries on her contact thru another channel.
You know your wife best, so I will defer to you. Just wanted to throw it out there for you to consider.
Good! The counselor and I have an excellent rapport. I think he understands the dynamics at work. Generally, most everything he says is consistent with our DB approach. I get quite a bit of validation about the things that I am doing. I am moving into working on some of my issues and away from crisis management and coping techniques. I expect to be with him for some time.
I'm almost afraid to ask... What's an example of this???
Originally Posted By: Wonderful!
I am experimenting with standing closer to her and moving around her in provocative ways.
Just don't get creepy!
Thanks mindful. Stare is perhaps a bit to strong of a word. It is more like checking her out. An example, this morning she was at the kitchen computer and having a rather one sided battle of words with the printer. I moved in and hovered near her while fixing the devise. Also, when we were having a conversation, I noticed I was standing about six feet away .When her attention was diverted, I moved in to about three feet and took a more confident posture and maintained eye contact and smiled. What do you think? Other suggestions?
Good point! I will incorporate carefully crafted ad lib compliments to her appearance.
Or, y'know, spontaneous and honest compliments would work too...
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
