Sure, reassurancing your love and marital vows does not seem to have a successful response towards saving your marriage. note: neither will the flip-flopping and the mind f**ks from here on out.
It seemed to me she enjoyed the single life and when you decide to grow a pair, to paraphrase you, she fly swatted your Nuts with a sledge hammer. We will find out if she crushed them when we hear your plan. What you got planned?
My question, your wife, how would she respond if you agreed with her that divorce was the answer and the quicker the time-line the better. And you dropped all reassurances of your love and happy marriage dreams.
DDogs, just caught up with your thread. All I can say is to keep your head up. She is moving forward full-steam so let her. You've alrady done your part moving back in, telling her you want to try to make it work, suggesting Retrovaille. If she's not receptive to those things, there is nothing you can do but let her make her move.
Sure, reassurancing your love and marital vows does not seem to have a successful response towards saving your marriage. note: neither will the flip-flopping and the mind f**ks from here on out.
It seemed to me she enjoyed the single life and when you decide to grow a pair, to paraphrase you, she fly swatted your Nuts with a sledge hammer. We will find out if she crushed them when we hear your plan. What you got planned?
My question, your wife, how would she respond if you agreed with her that divorce was the answer and the quicker the time-line the better. And you dropped all reassurances of your love and happy marriage dreams.
Good question SMcQ... before I decide on any particular plan, I'm going to give it a few days to sink in, reflect and review my options.. In the mean time, I plan on going Dim, continue to act pleasant/happy, also "as if", and no R talk.. I also am starting kick boxing classes in a few, to keep GALing....
I'll read more from this board to get ideas, but from what I've been reading so far my best option seems to favor LRT and drop the f'n rope....
As for her response for me agreeing to the D, I'm not sure what she might do. I was planning on not facillitating the D, make her do all of the work, let her own the moment... of course, it would be scary for me to agree and charge ahead with the D if she called my bluff. I don't think she's be the type of person to reconsider just because I suddenly agree, which would be something uncharachteristic of me. Plus She's been pushing for the D for several months now, so that seems unlikely...
Mind you she said she filed 1/4, so haven't even gaotten the papers yet, don't know what to expect there since this is new for me.. I'm a bit worried but unusually calm,
If anyone is seeing something I missed, or a different way of addressing this, please jump in...
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
DDogs, just caught up with your thread. All I can say is to keep your head up. She is moving forward full-steam so let her. You've alrady done your part moving back in, telling her you want to try to make it work, suggesting Retrovaille. If she's not receptive to those things, there is nothing you can do but let her make her move.
That's my impression as well,, "hell be damned, he pissed me off so now I'm going to show him....."
I cannot control her actions, I was planning on letting her drive this train, make her own it,, that unfortunately sounds passive but I agree I can do no more than contact my L, and take steps to legally protect me...
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
any buddys at work into texas holdem that you could join in with an evening (or two) a week?
kickboxing as in aerobics or kickboxing as in martial arts? a little full contact sparring will teach you a good poker face quick. mum mum mum mah ....
Forgot to add when on mc with the w. She said that my stance on moving back in gave her the strength to go file for d. So this is w mindset. I think she was just trying to have an excuse or justify her actions by making it appera that it was me that caused this. Thoughts. Suggestions?
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
It's typical WAS script. I was thinking about reconciling/working on the M/holding off on D, but then you moved back in/looked at me funny/held me accountable.
Script.
Your W's sudden filing smacks of retaliation. She had the power, and then when you moved back in, she lost it. She's trying to regain the upper hand. You now have the unique opportunity to treat her filing as if it bores you. Agree with her...fighting gives her the feeling of power and control again. She will experience another crisis when you don't react...and then she will have to really think about whether she wants this D or not.
Hang in there!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Forgot to add when on mc with the w. She said that my stance on moving back in gave her the strength to go file for d. So this is w mindset. I think she was just trying to have an excuse or justify her actions by making it appera that it was me that caused this. Thoughts?
Yes, I think she was just trying to have an excuse or justify her actions by making it appear that it was you that caused this.
Your W's sudden filing smacks of retaliation. She had the power, and then when you moved back in, she lost it. She's trying to regain the upper hand. You now have the unique opportunity to treat her filing as if it bores you. Agree with her...fighting gives her the feeling of power and control again. She will experience another crisis when you don't react...and then she will have to really think about whether she wants this D or not.
You escalated this situation by moving back in & getting back in her face.
She chose to escalate by filing for D. To give you an idea for a timeline if you are 2nd guessing whether she really did or not, ....Our D paperwork was filed December 21.. he still has not received it.
Seems like you are both into "one-ups manship".
Ever see the movie Wargames?
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
