Not sure what the time difference is there, but I'm sure it's evening for you. I know when my XH was deployed it was 11-12 hrs depending on daylight savings time.
Hope you are winding down for the night.
What makes you feel better? Work? Working out? Reading a book? Watching a movie? Watching TV? (Always with the caution to stay away from anything romantic or dramas that deal with infidelity) Writing in a diary?
Then do it. When thoughts about your W pop up, distract yourself. Do not allow yourself to wallow in them. Do whatever you have to do - visualize a stop sign, say stop to yourself, wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it, but MAKE yourself stop going down that destructive path.
All you are doing is causing yourself pain. There are no satisfactory answers.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
SD - I really think you have to focus all your energies on your kids, GALing and detaching and most importantly your job. Your interactions with your W may make you feel better somehow deep inside, probably due to your co-dependency. But trust me, they are not helping things. If you truly want to move forward and not make another big mistake, in my opinion you need to stop all this interaction. I think it is just going to lead you right into another big mistake. And ultimately it could cost you any chance of a reconciliation that you might have down the road. Every post of yours is about her, she did this, she e-mailed this, she left me that message etc...Bro, it has got to stop.
Your W is very conflicted and basically has you wrapped around her finger. I say this to you, because I was you a year and half ago. It doesn't work. I look back at some of those interactions as digging the knife deeper into the wound. I'm not telling you to be rude or nasty or anything like that. Just detach. Think of your interactions as an opportunity to exude class and integrity. Be above the situation, and removed from her drama. Quite honestly, she needs a major dose of reality. All you are doing is reinforcing her emotions to move on. The way she has jumped around to different men tells me that she can't find whatever it is she is looking for.
Phoenix, Puppy, BWorl and FIB had all given me some great lines to shoot back to her when she is baiting. Things like: "I'm sorry you feel that way, but that is not accurate, I have to go now", etc...Stop answering and defending yourself. Be brief and to the point and firm. Stop worrying about her feelings and what's going on in her world. SD, she really needs to figure out all her crap on her own. You being so involved in her mess is just building a stronger and stronger case in her mind that you have a lot to do with it. Please detach. Limit your interactions. Interact with Strength and Honor. Be the Man that you are. Lead. That's attractive.
Just my $.02.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
If she didn't care, why would THIS be the first e-mail she sent out? She JUST got to work?
Exactly. She does care, or else she wouldn't have brought it up in the first place.
Originally Posted By: SoldierDad
Guess I'm not detached yet-still trying to read into what she does/says. DAMMIT
But you have an idea of what it feels like now. So now you know what to work on.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
After reading Mules' post, I can't help but try to look inside myself, and SEE the those things.
I guess I really still do have alot of "work" yet to do. I don't know if I was fooling myself into believing that I was doing these things, but looking back, it looks like I was just spinning my wheels, and not really taking any action.
I don't know if I was thinking this would be a quick and easy thing, or that since we got back together those 2 days, that I was the one in control-I dunno. I have some soul searching to do.
I really need to begin to detach. I THOUGHT I was, but looking back, all I was doing was hanging on.
It hurts to admit these things, especially since in my mind, I was already doing them.
I have so much to learn, and do, to continue down this road.
Somehow, someway, I WILL make it through this difficult time in my life.
This may be the defining moments of my life, and I must thrive through them. I MUST.
Somehow, someway, I HAVE to detach. It is so very hard to do-easy to say, but probably the most difficult thing I have ever done. I have to do it. For my own well-being.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Just keep in mind what detachment really is. It's releasing from teh eventual outcome of the M. And that will come once you truly accept that you have no control over your W or her decisions. And that takes time.
Your brain will accept that pretty quicly b/c it makes sense. Getting your heart to follow takes a little longer. Not b/c your heart disagrees with that statement, but that it doesn't WANT to accept it. You have to be patient for yourself too. Just keep walking towards your goal, and you'll get there.
I feel that the weekends are the hardest for me, as my mind wanders about what my W is out doing. I am pretty good during the week, but these weekends, I struggle to get through.
I know there isn't anything I can do.
I know that no matter what I say or do, she is going to do whatever she wants to do.
I just struggle on the weekends.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
