If she would like to discuss your running patterns, maybe you can do it in a calm mannor, but do not let her speak to you in a harsh or demeaning tone. If it happens just say, OK this conversation is done, I will not be spoken to this way, if you would like to talk about what is bothering you in a calm fashion we can do that but until then, I will be in the other room.
Thanks Burt. I am kind of struggling to find what works. She had been engaged for a couple of days til I did something she didn't like for 30 minutes. Now, punishment. She is so angry, poor thing. I have to let her feel what she is going to feel. That is one of the things we discussed in MC. She needs me to accept whatever mood she is in. I haven't done good at that. I have tried to change or fix her. I thought for good reasons, but maybe I was just trying to get my needs met. Anyway, she wants to be angry, be angry. I am going to do what I believe to be right.
I am glad I was honest about why I called. She was free to reject or accept me. She chose in that moment to reject me. Her loss. I learned something from the exchange.
I was a bit tense last night. Still struggling with trust. My wife sensed it. She asked if it would help if she explained where she was throughout the day. I told her no. It was my problem, I would deal with it. She responded with an edgy version of shouldn't we help each other with this stuff. What she said was, "If we can't help each other with this stuff, what is the point of being married." I told her I understood how she felt and appreciated the offer. Does this sound like she is pursuing a bit? She wants me to help her and she wants to help me. It also sounds like there is some genuine remorse.
Later in the same conversation, she acknowledged she was depressed. I validated another part of her statement and stayed away from the depression statement. She has IC on friday. I hope they are able to communicate and establish rapport.
This a.m., we were somewhat playful. I am experimenting with standing closer to her and moving around her in provocative ways. Also, I am letting her catch me stare at her a**. I don't know if this stuff does any good but, what the heck, all this stuff is trial and error.
Here is what you learned, do not call her until she "fixes" herself, as you cannot fix her. You will know if/when that is, and you sure know that it is not now.
Took me a while to get it as well, She finally wrote me a note, spelling it out for me, to quit trying to fix us, that she would not be able to do anything until she fixed herself.
I was lucky, she flat out told me to back the hell off.
I was a bit tense last night. Still struggling with trust. My wife sensed it. She asked if it would help if she explained where she was throughout the day. I told her no. It was my problem, I would deal with it. She responded with an edgy version of shouldn't we help each other with this stuff. What she said was, "If we can't help each other with this stuff, what is the point of being married."
Maybe I missed something. I follow a lot of threads. Why would you NOT take her up on this offer? This is what transparency is all about!
I am experimenting with standing closer to her and moving around her in provocative ways. Also, I am letting her catch me stare at her a**. I don't know if this stuff does any good but, what the heck, all this stuff is trial and error.
How about being more direct and honest?
"You haven't worn that skirt in a while; I like it." "You look really good this morning."
Maybe it's just me, but if someone that I wasn't necessarily attracted to was staring at me and not saying anything, it would be more unsettling to me than flattering.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I am experimenting with standing closer to her and moving around her in provocative ways.
Just don't get creepy!
I had this in mind when I wrote what I wrote, not necessarily the staring.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
