Trying LRT - Please Help!

[motherof3]

Hi Kara,
Thanks for all the advice. I will try it all again tonight, but feel like I am beating a dead horse.

Wear something cute. Check.

Smell great. Check.

I haven’t been initiating any conversation with him since I have been trying to go dark. My biggest obstacle is that he won’t cross the threshold into the house to even have a simple conversation. I know that he had the flu earlier this week. I can start by asking how he is feeling now. Prior to going dark I would ask him how he was doing to try and start up a conversation and the usual response was ‘fine’. Period. Conversation over, meaning H wasn’t in the talking mood, at least with me. I will try to come up with some little news worthy tidbit to discuss.

And now that you mention it, the last time he dropped off the kids I had just finished baking cupcakes. He did comment on the smell. Hmmm. Maybe I will bake a batch of cookies tonight.

I think you are correct in stating that we are at an impasse both physically and mentally. I just don’t know how to chip away at this if he isn’t even willing to have a conversation with me and avoids contact (at least from my POV) at all costs. He doesn’t ask questions of me and doesn’t seem to care about my whereabouts. I used to GAL to be mysterious and make him wonder. It doesn’t even seem to faze him. He seems to be at a point where he just doesn’t care. I no longer GAL for him, it is all about me now.

If there is still a little flame of love and desire on the stove you want to stoke it. Not extinguish it. Turn it up gradually. Measure his responses.

That seems to be a big ‘if’. All indication from H is of no flame of love and desire left. It is slowly being extinguished on my side as well. The love buckets are not being filled I guess.

I agree 100% that rebuilding a friendship base is the first step. But H has stated on several occasions to me that he doesn’t even want to be friends. At least not now, maybe down the road he says. But he doesn’t want anything to do with me currently. This has been presented to me over and over again in both his actions and words. I know this is going to take a great deal of time and patience. But I can’t even seem to peel off the first layer of that onion.

In the past I would carry all this anger and resentment with me and have let some good opportunities of interaction with H pass me by. I feel that I am finally at a point where these feelings don’t creep to the surface anymore. Well, at least not in his presence.

As for working on me, Friday night I am taking some group dancing lessons. It is something that I have always wanted to do, but H had no interest in dancing. Other than that, I have the kids with me all weekend and plan to enjoy the time spent with them.

Thanks again for taking the time to help me out. I will post again later to give you an update.