It's just that everything I read about MLC is exactly what he is doing. Re-evaluating life's goals, feeling like marriage has grown stale, blaming spouse for every unhappy thought or missed opportunity, having an affair. After he saw our dr., he was put on antidepressants which started to "even out" his moods until he decided to only take it when he felt like it. Ugggg Also, I see now (in hindsight) that he has been depressed for a long time. I just always chalked it up to having a stressful life with two children-one who is just barely a year old.
Maybe I'm just looking for excuses but I honestly would NEVER have thought that THIS man would cheat on his wife who adores him. I'm not sure why this is important to dwell on....I mean it's not like "the why" will change what he is doing.
Last edited by January girl; 01/06/1003:41 PM.
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
Yesterday, I was just about to give you that link, but Ready2Change had already posted it here for you. I got a lot out of that thread! We're lucky for all the support here, aren't we?
Originally Posted By: JanuaryGirl
I imagine he spends most of his time thinking about OW. Who could possibly be so great as to take this man away from his children?
I know it's tough, but the less you worry about what he is thinking the better off you will be. Who knows what he is thinking. It's so strange how much in common the WAS's (and the LBS) have with each other, the so called script behavior. You H is in fog, weather it's MLC or not.
Originally Posted By: JanuaryGirl
I have started thinking about my life when he is gone.
Good! Try to imagine what your best life would be like, without H. There are lots of things possible for JanuaryGirl! I've only now started to see a positive alternative to my life without W, and it really helps. Of course it's sad. It's ironic too that understanding the positive side of a D, that truly letting of my wayward spouse, is so much better than my clinging and worry about my M.
Originally Posted By: JanuaryGirl
I just don't see myself standing there on the other side many times...other times I do.
I worry about this too: the amount of detachment it takes to deal with the sitch is so painful and leaves me not sure I even want to stay married. I waver back and forth just like you describe. I think this is one of the reasons patience is so important. Take care of each day, and accept that whatever the outcome, you are gonna be a better person for it.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
My post at 10:40 today was my answers....I'm still not too skilled with replying in the correct spot. How do you "grab" words previously written and put into a post?
Last edited by January girl; 01/06/1007:11 PM.
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
I don't know how I missed your 10:40 post! I hadn't read it when I posted.
to "grab" words: at the bottom of the window for the post that you want to grab words from, you can click on the quick quote button.
You can do it manually too. You have to type the following stuff, replacing NAME with the posters name, and then between the two bracketed things what you want to be quoted.
Originally Posted By: NAME
"whatever you want to be quoted"
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
How are your kids doing, and how are you doing with GAL?
Our little guy (17 months)I don't think senses anything amiss. Our daughter (9) seems to know something is up with my husband and myself. She has had to watch over her brother for a couple of minutes here and there when he and I have a couple of words in another room. I know in my heart she is scared/confused because she has seen enough people outside our family go thru divorce that she has asked us again and again to never get divorced. I do have faith however that if/when we have "the talk" that she is a strong girl and we will get thru the sadness together. My biggest fear is that she will forever doubt that when a couple commits to forever that it doesn't really mean anything. My husband and I both come from "in tact" homes and that is what I always wanted for my kids.
As far as GAL, I think mentally I'm getting there but in actions I haven't been doing too much. I know I need to DO more but I just feel like I have this HUGE weight on my shoulders every waking moment. I work full time and when I'm not working I'm driving the kids back and forth to school/daycare. Truthfully, I think over the years that I put myself SO far down on the "importance" list that I lost January girl along the way.
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
Congrats on using the quotes! See, that's GAL too. Heh, I'm still learning new stuff about using the forums.
This must be tough for D9. She's actually asked that you never get divorced? I'm sure that makes having the talk with her tougher. you do have the opportunity to show her how to handle a crises with honor, courage, and dignity.
I understand about the HUGE weight, and being so busy. I started with taking walks. It was excercise, but it really was to help me calm my mind...
opps laptop dying.. I'll post more later.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
What really bugs me is he thinks nothing of laying his pants on our bed at the end of the day with dog hair all over them from the OW's dog....or maybe they are from her *#$)ing head. I no longer share my thoughts with him because I figure once he dropped his pants for someone else he is no longer entitled to share my thoughts!!!
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
