No, he doesn't have that "right." He is intruding into YOUR life at this point. He has a right to know that she is loved and safe (she is), if she has a medical or educational issue at any time, if she is going to be out of state for any reason... I can even see him getting on the phone (speaker phone if needed) to talk to her once a day, maybe say goodnight, even read her a short story - THAT is a connection that may be meaningful to her at this point. The other stuff is just controlling you. You don't work for him; you are not the daycare provider (and even a paid provider would get pretty pissed if they got 5 phone calls during their watch!)
Divorce is hard in parents - but that is life. I can't imagine calling my x up to 5 times a day when the kids are with him to ask what they are doing or to "kiss them for me." Yes, mine are older - but it is HIS time with them. I don't want him infringing on his time with me, either.
Now, I understand that your x screwed up and has supervised visits - guess what, HIS consequences for his choices.
Maybe you can have your cell plan changed (or just suggest that it was changed): "Sorry ex, I can't accept text messages anymore - you'll have to use email or call with emergencies only, besides this one time a day that I can make sure that baby is available for you to talk to on the phone."
Ugh, I know that you still have deep feelings for him, but he is just a messed up controlling creep from my vantage point. And you deserve SO much better!!!!
What she said!! Get a few lines/retorts memorized and many have been suggested. They don't have to be snotty (but you can have "level 2" lines that are FIRMER in case he gets amnesia and then you remind him that HE of all people is in NO position to judge you--no matter what, say ALL your lines calmly...it is so empowering. IN fact if he raises his voice you do the opposite and lower yours the same amount he raised his..very effective tool) ..
Make the message comfortable for you with some of your modifications. It has to be authentic for you. It can't be too long! NOTHING WORDY to disagree with. Just Stating facts "we're divorced now so the focus is on co-parenting. I have friends for the other stuff and sharing my personal life with you, slows down my moving on. I have LOTS of goals and don't want to keep looking backwards...I have to keep looking forwards now and I'm sure you feel the same way so now, back to baby...." and if the call is NOT about baby then give it 2 min MAX and get off the phone for reasons already stated. Since you'll always be calm, you're not a "Bi#$@" no matter what HE says..."No X h, I'm not angry nor am I a bad person. I'm moving on...there's a difference." IF he cusses at you, hang up. ALWAYS CALMLY, and I cannot stress that enough. But if you get testy at times, it's human.
Expect to repeat your message a lot but it's like a campaign where the candidate gets boring with his message but HE STAYS ON IT til we the voters get it...even if we don't like it, we "get" it...he needs to get your message so you need to have a clear one, and you need to communicate it, a lot. Hope this helps. The heart DOES follow where the head goes- and your head is getting in the right place so I feel you're moving in the right direction.
LISTEN to the good advice here. Stop letting yourself get sucked back in/ and put a STOP SIGN in your mind when he tries to drag you back. You know, He cannot force you to be sucked back into his vortex of negative energy and doormat life. YOU DO HAVE CHOICE...NEVER FORGET THAT....BUT IF CHOICE IS NOT EXERCISED...THEN YOU ARE "CHOOSING" TO BE STUCK...and that's choosing to be a weak victim.
In the end it really is all up to you.
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
