Why can't I just do it!?

[Trixi]

H came over tonight.
Interesting comments-
We were sitting on the couch, sipping wine and he was rubbing my feet kinda looking at me funny, so I asked what he was thinking and he said "I was thinking that I am never gonna be rid of you, and you're never gonna be rid of me." I asked "how do you feel about that?" and he said "It both frustrates me and pleases me at the same time."

He said that he's kinda mad that he finally leaves and then I go and do a 180 and confuse him. (This has to do with me finding my 'voice'/who I am. One of my biggest concerns is losing my voice if I move back.) Anyway, I joked with him about how it was just awful that I confused him and clearly if I *really* loved him, I should have gotten just awful so that it would be 'easy' on him.
Again expressed concern "what if it doesn't last" but did add, that he knows that can be said of anything.

Said that he got really hurt in childhood; and even currently there are some extended family dysfunctions. But he knows that he is pushing everyone away and that hurts him; he has a hard time discerning who to trust and who to keep at arms length. Admits that he tries to come off all tough, but he is really too sensitive.

He wanted me to elaborate on what I think the big picture would be if we reconciled; I said that I didn't want to do that because it's should be something we negotiate so we're both getting our needs met and he said that since he can't picture it, he wanted to hear my vision.

So, where this will end up, I don't know. But I think that he is at least thinking..