Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Can anyone tell me, why I am not getting angry at my wife for cheating on me?

Does that tell me that I am ok with it?

I in some sort of sick way, feel responsible for her cheating on me. If I wouldn't have left, she wouldn't have cheated. I know I have been down this road before, but I keep coming back to this guilt I am feeling.

Why am I so absorbed into what she is doing, when I KNOW I can't do anything about it? I just can't stop...caring.

I have allowed her to strip me of all my self-esteem the last week. I allowed her to use me, and then discard me like a piece of trash.

I am so much better than this, but I don't FEEL that way.

I hate feeling this way.