Another Sad Deployed Soldier/Dad

[soleil]

I can't even do my job right now because i just have been so freaakin stressed and don't want to get any of my battles killed. I do serious work and can't even focus no mater what i try.

I am VERY comitted to working on the M but just feel so alone and lost, depressed, can't eat, throw up for no reason, go to the latrine to just cry and i am just hurting sooooo bad and don't know what to do any more.

AS, welcome to the board.

Everything you are feeling/experiencing is normal. Those emotions being all over the place, depressed, crying, all out of sorts. It means that you CARE. When do you come home again?

[Another_Soldier]

I go home the end of Jan for a 2 week R&R then will come back mid Feb some time for another 6 months or so. It really suks.

It's hard not to be in contact as we both agreed i would let her know every night that i am able I am still alive and kicking.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It's hard not to be in contact as we both agreed i would let her know every night that i am able I am still alive and kicking.

And you also both agreed to be faithful and monogamous with each other, too, didn't you. Things change.

If you can't even go ONE NIGHT without purusing (like an "ILY/IMY" text message), you will never be able to do the much, MUCH more difficult parts of DBing.

Start with this one thing -- NO CONTACT. One day at a time. Come on here and post if you need someone to talk you down off the ledge from doing it, but start there.

DBing isn't complicated, but it DOES take self-discipline. Not only did the pursuit hurt your efforts, but the content of it was way too supplicating.

Listen to SD -- he knows what he's talking about.

btw, thank you for your service!

Puppy

[Another_Soldier]

I am going to be strong tonight and i won't contact W. I just will Hold Out but how long do i not contact her for.I have to get from the Airport some how

Everyone i know except my in-laws and wife is over here in the desert with me LOL

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I am going to be strong tonight and i won't contact W. I just will Hold Out but how long do i not contact her for.

For now, today.

We'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

"I have to get from the airport somehow" = NEEDY. Chicks don't dig needy.

Puppy

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Soldier,

Thank you for your service.

Right now, you need to get your head on straight. As in right now. DBing? That is fine and good when your in a place that you can focus your attention on it. You aren't in any place like that.

Right now, Fukc her.

Get your head on right, you're thinking about her and the old OM, what they might or might not be doing, are they aren't they?

Fukc them both. You focus your mind on your job and what is going on around you.

D:8
S:6

You focus on the shitt that is important right now, your surroundings your buddies and staying alive and in one piece.
You MAKE SURE you make it home to your kids, and then you DB.

You're distracted in one of the worst possible places you could be.

PS - Airports have Taxis.

Listen to these guy if you absolutely feel like you have to DB right now.

[Another_Soldier]

Thanks guys AND gals

I had a strong sense of empowerment when i woke up this mornin. I was up at 0400 and turned my computer on then went to PT. When i returned i came back to my computer having a ton of messages from my W. It started out as if she was calm, then seemed the tone of her not being able to talk to me was getting angry then frustrating then she started apologizing for anything that i though she did wrong then to sadness and finally she only wrote that she was very sorry and she loves me very much. "you are a great husband, father, and provider, I love you and i miss you and don't want to lose you"

I still haven't replied back and it is nice to see her kind of persue and beg a little. I am happy that it is hitting home and only took 1 night. I am happy she is realizing her actions weather anything actualy DID or DID NOT happen. NO CONTACT means exactly that.

I am going to stay dark for another couple days then i have to talk to my kids.

[Lotus]

Awww! i feel bad for her. Can't you just let her know you are there and reading the emails and have a lot to think about? I mean, you are 10,000 miles away and she doesn't know if you are alive or dead at any moment. Give the girl a small break.

[TrentC]

I agree; politely let her know that you appreciate what she said. You don't need to respond in kind.

It's like I told SoldierDad; being deployed is hell for the entire family.

She is raising your kids by herself. She doesn't know when you will be back, and she lives with the fear that the next phone call or knock on the door will be someone in a dress uniform offering their condolences.

She's tired; she's lonely, and this guy might have been at the right place at the right time, and said the right things.

This isn't to apologize for how she is treating you. Hell, I came up with that off of the top of my head and it may have no basis in reality. All I'm trying to say is, try to have a little compassion for her; if one day has her saying that she loves and misses you, then acknowledge her feelings.

[TrentC]

if one day has her saying that she loves and misses you, then acknowledge her feelings.

Especially since you said this:

It's hard not to be in contact as we both agreed i would let her know every night that i am able I am still alive and kicking.

So you not being in contact can have her literally fearing for your life? And she might be sitting at home thinking "oh my god, he hasn't emailed me for a couple of days and the last thing I said to him was that I resented him for butting into my business?"

Cut her a little slack. At worst, send her the following every day:

Just letting you know that I'm still alive and kicking. Hug and kiss the kids for me.