Journalling - thinking a lot tonight, now that I'm away from home.
I think H is taunting me. It started the other night. He made some popcorn for our show. He knew I wanted some, our routine is that the family shares popcorn while watching tv. H declares he is eating all of it and I can't have any. I thought he was joking. He wasn't. I said, ok, let's make another one for me. Then H says there is no more. When I said I wanted some, he said too bad and continued to eat it in front of me.
Then there was the thing about backing out of the snow vacation now that he had told me he would and he knew I wanted him to.
Tonight, the third one - saying he would not go to the party I wanted him to come to.
Could he be playing a game that whatever he thinks I want he will make sure I don't get, and that he will flaunt it in front of me like a dangled carrot, saying no no no.
I guess this weird pattern only works if I want anything from him. I get very hurt by this weird behavior, feeling like he is intentionally trying to hurt and let me down.
So now, don't ask anything of him. I hate these emotional games aimed to hurt me. I still am stumped at why he wants to hurt me instead of just be honest and real.
