Mixed Signals or is this Limbo Land

[MHL]

Oh I know your pain on the going out thing, my W goes out all the time. I was trying to get one of my D buddies to go out and by the time he called back I was not up for it. I've been out a couple of times and it is depressing. At my age, anyone I would meet or talk to has so much baggage that that is the only thing they talk about. At first I was jealous, now I don't care.

You think they are having all this fun and right now it is fun to them but for how long? a couple of hours in a bar??? a couple of nights a week. It will get old and expensive, and depressing. I did not meet my W in a bar I met her at work, and we were friends first. I have pity on my W b/c one day she will wake up and realize what is really fulfilling in life and it is not going out to some bar 2 or 3 times a week for some "fun".

As far as taking care of everything at home I don't feel like I am doing anymore than I used too b/c my W didn't do anything before. Even her relatives, especial MIL and her Aunt, have always said and still say I do 80% of the work around the house including stuff for the kids. MIL came before Christmas and said "I was doing a great job with the kids and the house" felt good, I hope she told my W.

On Sunday after the late nite, FB/bar incident, my W and I were having a big R talk and she actually said "If you would just meet someone", I had to bite down hard on my tongue, I wanted to reach through the phone and choke her. Instead, I said I am not interested in anyone else right now, I know it made her feel bad. She started crying after that, it lasted a minute then the alien came back. I do want a break, a vacation though. I am going to try to plan something for myself alone when the weather gets warmer, I'll get my mom to watch the kids.

I think he is loving the single live. On the nights he's not with the kids, he goes out. I hate being the left behind spouse. I guess right now, I'm so angry with him.

It is a noble torch we carry, in the success stories the WAS almost always at some point apologizes for all the crap we are going through right now, I don't know how many times someone can say they are sorry but it will never be enough, so that is why I let go and forgive now, otherwise the anger will build in me and make me a bitter person. Have you ever met someone like that? I don't want to be that person.