I'm sorry you have a need to be here, but I'm glad you found this place with so many good people to help.
You named your thread "I must be crazy"? No, you are not crazy.
As soon as you can, get a copy of "The Divorce Remedy" and read it. It will really help, along with participation here in the forum. Read as many threads as you can. The veterans here may have already answered some of your questions in detail. I really wished I had done more reading when I first got here!
It does sound like your H is trying to call all the shots. I'm no L, but if he makes 3x your salary, then he still stands a chance of paying spousal support. It sounds like you already have a lawyer, right?
As to your question about exposing the affair to the OW's husband, hopefully one of the vets will post their ideas about it.
Hang in there.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
