"I know hindsight is 20/20 but I wish I would have filed a while ago--I've held on for too long."
No, you really didn't, because you weren't DONE. Had you quit before you were DONE, it would bother you. You will benefit from knowing that you did your best.
"I fear that this will become ugly very quickly."
No doubt, and it would have whenever it happened. On the bright side, the history of her living outside of the house, not spending much time with DD, etc., may help you.
This is business. Your W is irrational and all over the place. There is no reason to try to engage in business with her. Her promises about what she will/won't accept are meaningless until the judge signs. Leave things to your L.
