Looking for Advice

[sandi2]

I am not surprised at your W's actions. When she told you thanks and that you had been wonderful.....that was as if she was saying, "You were a good friend when I needed you, but now everything goes back the way it was before the suicide happened".

I feel like I am the bearer of bad news, but I have to tell you men what to expect and not to get your hopes all swelled at the slightest response from your WAW. Yes, there seem to be some positive moments....and I still think it is a good sign, however, she is putting up her wall b/c you are applying pressure.

To try to show what I mean, look at your statements. The first sentence is great:

No overkill, no TM to see how she is doing.

You did not TM her to see how she's doing. That was great! But then look at the very next sentence that came out of your mouth:

I stopped by to see how she was doing

You thought that was not over-kill? It was worse than TM.

and ask a question

You were looking for an excuse!

and she saw me and said just a minute. I waited about 10 miutes

She had put the wall up and that was her way of letting you know that she is not interested in whatever you wanted to say to her. So, what do you do? How do you handle that rejection? This is what you did:

and then left, sent her a text saying she is too busy, I understand, here's what I wanted to ask you, I'm going back to my office now. No response now 2.5 hours later. And so I wait...

This SREAMS "needy, neeedy, needy"! Let's break it down.....first you leave....and that is what you should have done (and a lot sooner if she did not have somebody with her or in a serious phone conversation at the time). But then you act like a kind of like a whimp and TM her to let her know how hurt you are at her rejection. (You may have thought you were covering it up...but you didn't.) After that, you go on and ask her your question, even though she was not interested enough to see what you wanted when you dropped by. Then you act so pitiful by letting her know that you are going back to your office now. I'm sorry if I sound hateful, but that is so clinging awful. Can you see how this is not showing her a man of strength, self-respect, health self-esteem, and some backbone? Can you see that it is "pressure" on her to show you some attention? That is what you wanted and it is very obvious. You wait 2.5 hrs to see if she's going to respond to that TN. Why? If you were the WAS, you would not be attracted to her when she was all whiney and complaining to you. You would be attracted to a self-efficient, spunky, sexy, female. Not some little whimp who was wrapped aound your lefs trying to get you to stay with her. Try to look at it from that position b/c I promise that is what your W is seeing in you.

Go find that man that was there the other night. You di so good when you went to bed and waited for her to make the move toward you. This is a law in human nature when a WAS is involved: You pull back....she moves in. You push her....and she backs away. Just keep remembering that rule and live by it. You are scared and it shows. It is not attractive to her. I saw it in my H and it did not make me want to pour my love out on him. It turned me off. The more desparate he became, the more unattractive he was.

Don't tuck your tail between your legs like a whipped dog. You are a man who can be a H that a woman would be crazy to leave. You had a backslide.....tomorrow will be better, if you so determine.

Get some sleep and start off with a fresh slate in the morning.