Yes, there are many of us who have had the experience you describe, and there's nothing like it: a reclaiming of your power while at the same time seeing them sitting in the bottom of hole they have dug.
It is huge, that he will pay off the debt, while at the same time, take the hit for the taxes and penalties.
An agreement on the house will be tougher, and you may have to rethink the lines you have drawn. I, too, at first, said that I wasn't going to get the house in shape to sell and go through that by myself. The landscape changed, and I actually ended up staying there, assuming our mortgage (I forced him to agree to receiving no equity), doing the remodeling myself, and when it eventually sold, the equity was mine. Yeah, it was difficult, and there were times along the way that I wanted to be done, but compared to dealing with him constantly and his sad, depressed, couldn't think his way out of a paper bag self, it was much better to go it alone.
I'm not saying that will be the right course for you, I'm just saying, keep charting your own path, making decisions in your best long term interest, and when you're not sure, sit still...it will come to you.
You've been amazingly strong from the get-go and I am in awe of you. I have no doubt that this will all come out in the best possible way for you. Some friends and I were discussing this the other night: success is what you do with your failures. You go, girl...
Now wassup with this cold? I live in the South for a REASON!
