Well here is my story...sorry but I think it is going to be a long one. My H works in the next county as a school admin. In Aug I rec'd a call from the 911 dispatch in that county wanting to know why a truck registered in our name was parked at a roadside park alittle ways back in the woods. My H was supposed to be at school then on his way to a board meeting. I tried to call him but of course he didn't answer. When he finally called back I was on my way up there with my D (A-29)who lived w/ us because I was too upset to drive myself. He said he was still at school. I asked him if he could explain why 911 would call me about his truck being parked at the roadside park and he stated he couldn't explain. What he finally came up w/ was that someone owed him $ and he went there to collect it. A week later I asked the person who he said owed him the money and of course he thought I was crazy. Then my H stated that the real reason was that he had been so stressed at work that he has started using cocaine as a stress reliever and he was giving his dealer $ that he owed him. I knew it was a lie but I didn't press him too much. He swore he hadn't used anything since July and he even wanted me to go buy a drug test kit which was very embarrassing, so I could have him test anytime I wanted. I knew he was lying, a lot of things didn't make sense like a school admin using coke as a stress reliever. Well in Nov after my D made a comment that her dad is always on his cell phone I got into his online phone bill. There were 30, 40, 50, and sometimes ever 60 back and forth text messages and phone calls. I called the cell # and did a reverse look up on the phone #...it was to a teacher (whom I have met and talked to on numerous occasions) who is married and has 2 kids. He denied that it is anything other then platonic and that she is easier to talk to then me. Well he had an affair 20 yrs ago and he said that one was platonic too. He finally told me he hasn't been happy for 3 yrs which has now changed to 5 yrs and that he wants out. She is in no way influencing his decision or so he says. He has admitted that he was never doing cocaine and that he met her on that day and they just drove around and this "platonic" R has been only going on since Aug. He told me that he has been trying to give my subtle hints about his unhappiness but I haven't got the clues. The reasons he wants out are the sex hasn't been there, the communication is not there(how can it be...he spends too much time communicating w/ OW)and we don't do anything together (even though I have been begging him to go away for the weekend for months)he even brought up the fact that when we go to the video store I never chose a video he wants to watch. He has gone from blaming him--I deserve better, to blaming me for every little things, back to blamin himself again-why would I want to stay with him after all he put me through. Where we are now: He has moved into the other bedroom X3d. He doesn't want a D just a Legal Sep to keep me on his insurance. he wants to co-habitate as long as possible for financial reasons. He makes 3x as much as I do and He says he will pay the house payment and all the utilities for the next 15 yrs and has told both our kids(A-29 and 25)that they will still have their home to come to, unless we both agree to sell the house if the market gets better. He has agreed to make my car payment until it is paid off (I just got a new 2010 malibu with a 72 month loan)and has agreed to pay my life insurance and my car insurance leaving me with only my cell phone bill and my retirement plan. All this is only verbal right know. He says he will pay the $1500 retainer fee for the lawyer and thinks if we have everything agreed upon before hand then we should both be able to use the same lawyer...which my lawyer has agreed to if my H understand that he is my lawyer and is looking out for my best interest. So any comments?...on the deal w/ the house and cohabitating (his father who has alzhiemers lives w/ us also. Also I have not notified the OW H ( I got a call from the 1st affair's H 20 yrs ago)and am thinking about doing so. I don't know if OW H's has a clue. I think they are still married but my H says he doesn't know if they are splitting up. I feel like my H is having his cake and eating it too becuz he has it so easy and hasn't had to pay any consequences for his actions and neither has the OW. Anyone else out there contacts the OW/OM's spouse and how did it go? Well there is more to the story but I will safe that for another post. Thanks.
