thank you LR. I was really happy until this afternoon, then got sad again. Having a great time with S and the Me time is really good. Then H has to txt and push my buttons. Tells me he's not going to the New Year's party we attended last year with my friends. I was really hurt, but mad at myself for being hurt. So un-DB of me. It's the same as the vacation - I should be strong, just having fun for me and "building new memories" like you suggest. I'm so mad at myself that I'm just missing H. The fact that I can't get over him in spite of the bludgeoning makes me even madder at myself.
This DB stuff is hard. I should be strong, independent, not caring if he's going, heck even telling him I want to go alone! Otherwise I set myself up for these disappointments. Why do I have so much trouble with rejection and loss? I feel to blame for our troubles and I feel H is rubbing that in every time he declines spending time together.
Maybe he's setting personal boundaries, maybe he's trying to push my buttons, I don't know. I can only blame myself for loving him and caring if he's with me or not. I get discouraged when it doesn't seem he cares if I'm going places without him - he even seems glad. Ouch. I guess I need to DB better to make an effect.
OK, enough of that. Off to have a lovely last half of the trip with S. Thanks for letting me vent.
