True Love or True Fog? Changing Forums

[Silver Fox]

Let me just say first off that, hands down, without a shadow of a doubt, this board has helped me through the most devastating period of my life and moved me to a place of confidence, power, and control, without which I never would have been able to make it through the settlement conference today.

Phew! Mission accomplished. At least we're off to a good start anyway. I only had a few moments with my L before H and his L arrived and he said this - "I talked with H's L briefly this morning, just listen to what they have to say first - they really are anxious to settle".

Well, hells bells, that retirement fund that H was so aggressively protecting everytime I brought it up? He's offered to use it to pay off our joint debt, which let's just say is well over $20,000 - AND he'll pay the taxes and penalty fees.

The house issues are another matter. I made it clear that I do not want to stay here any longer than possible and I do not want to be responsible for repairs, showing, selling, etc. all by myself. There's still many decisions to be made about this but first we're bringing a contractor to look at the place for a better idea about where to start.

For the first time in my life I've seen a depressed person and it is my H. He looked miserable.

He's gained weight, hair was scraggly, puffy faced, disheveled clothes - he couldn't even bother to tuck his shirt tail in?
He sat slumped in his chair right across from me and made very little eye contact with me especially at the beginning. He talked very little. I had a folder with all kinds of paperwork in front of me - he had nothing. He's the one who wants the D.

It's been said on this site many times - he's not the man I married. He's not even the man who 2 years ago happily told me he was in love with someone else.

I've got to sleep on all this now. I'm still very concerned about being stuck with the house but my L said (when H and L were in another room) that getting the debt paid off is HUGE. I'll be debt free!

So, thank you everyone for your support, encouragement and positive thoughts. It worked - and so did my high heeled boots and skinny leg jeans.