S5 asked to come home with me Monday night (his mother has custody this week.) He said it when I called to wish he and his brother a good night. I kind of dodged the request (even though part of me was already wanting to drive down there to get him) because I don't think little children should be able to dictate the parenting schedule -- it could easily get out of control.
But yesterday morning, xW left me a voicemail saying S5 still wanted to spend the night at my place, and that it would be okay with her if I wanted to stop by later after work to see if he still felt that way. He's been a little mopey for the last couple of days, sniffling with a stuffy nose, like he's about to come down with a cold.
I am all too ready to spend time with my two S's -- I hate how fast they're growing up and I don't want to miss a thing with them. But I also know that it can't be too fun for xW for one of them to ask to go to me during her week, as I know how it feels.
I went by the MIL's place, which is where all of them could be found, after work. I was at least going to check on my S's and give them hugs, if nothing else. S5 saw me and was immediately ready to go. xW said it would be okay as long as I agree to allow S5 to come stay with her one night during my week.
I agreed, although I don't like the precedent this might set. I am thinking that xW figures this is more to her advantage, assuming S5 will be more willing to stay with her during my week than the opposite scenario. She also knows this tends to make S9 want to "jump ship" as well, also in her favor.
While I agreed to try this out as an experiment, I also expressed my reservations about letting them have full say in who will have custody over them on a given night, and that the children should be made to understand that the agreement of their parents takes precedent over their wishes. I said that it would be better for them, as small children, to understand and respect that this is the arrangement their parents have made for their own sake. I looked at xW and asked her whether she agreed or not.
xW said no, and before she could say anything further, her mother, the evil MIL, chimed in saying it's perfectly fine for these two boys (ages 9 and 5, mind you) to be able to have a say in who they want to spend time with.
That rubbed me the wrong way -- but I managed to repress my instinct to respond to MIL in her interruption. I wanted to tell her to shut up and mind her own business -- she is not one of the parents here, despite what she might think, and she is thus way out of line.
Instead I ignored her and focused on xW who was now parroting her mother and agreeing with her.
What this tells me is that they have now cooked up this idea that they can seek some form of advantage by allowing S9 and S5 dictate the actual parenting schedule. Folks, that ain't gonna' happen. I won't let it. All that would do is open the floodgates to both xW and her conniving mother trying to coerce these two small boys at every opportunity to jettison the parenting schedule. I love my S's and want them to learn responsibility for themselves, but they're too young right now, and abdicating my own responsibilities in raising them is no way to begin to teach them their own.
So while I have agreed to a trade of nights as a one-time, maybe occasional thing, so that each of our sons can get some one-on-one time with each parent, I have no intention of letting this become a regular habit.
I took S5 home and we had a good evening with each other. He chose to have pizza for dinner and we watched one of his half-hour shows, then we read a Batman book he had chosen from the public library for his bedtime story (he loves Batman, what can I say?)
He really seemed to enjoy the one-on-one time, and I certainly did too. I am thankful for the both of my S's, and cherish what time I have with them. Last night was an unexpected pleasure.
