Hi Cutterbug, Yes he does need help. Unfortunately, he was going to counselling, a very nice woman who advocates needs being met -- and conversely, when your needs aren't being met, it's something wrong with the other person, so get out. I'm not sure she understood the depth of his emotional problems -- heck, I didn't even get it.
I'm the kind of person who always thinks I DIDN'T do enough, maybe there was something else, etc. The revelations of the past several weeks, though, have started to get through to me that his problems are way too big for me to presume I could have done anything about them. Big challenge for me is tiptoeing through these minefields to make sure my children remain somewhat unscathed. At least he was perectly normal on the surface, and they have had a stable home life, believe it or not. But there are also problems -- 16 y o son is somewhat depressed and 10 y-o d is compartmentalizing, and pushes away her feelings. So I have my work cut out for me.
No matter how much you know walking away from it is actually the right thing, when you still love someone deeply it is really hard.
