The adventure chronicles

[Gnosis]

I forgot to say this in my previous post:

I'm truly sorry. Please believe that I hate all that has happened to you. My reflections and thoughts about your WAW have never been good... and I have been suspicious of her actions for a long time.

[AFWAW]

You have nothing to be sorry for. My father has told me basically the same thing. I'm done waiting. There's no way I want to live with someone like that.

[Gnosis]

Another thing... MEN DON'T REACT... WE RESPOND...

You're in a highly emotional state right now. DO NOT do anything else to provoke her. Take it easy... wait 24-48 hours before responding to anything else she may send.

You already reacted. Expect her to try and move in... maybe tonight... the only response for now it to keep her out if she does. For anything else... do nothing until you've spoken with legal counsel.

[AFWAW]

Gotcha and good advice. She has written 2 more emails and no I have not responded. Thanks again.

[Gnosis]

I'm going out for a couple of hours. I advise you to do the same. Take your beautiful daughter out for a treat. Dinner? A movie? Ice-cream... whatever.

Don't dwell on this tonight. Go out and enjoy yourself with your loved one.

I get it that you're angry about the deception, but if you take a moment to reflect... carefully... you'll see... nothing's really changed. Just your own perception of your reality. I keep telling people that this is a psychological war - mind over matter and the rest of that crap. To win you need to be at peace with yourself... Want to know the truth? You've won. Why? Because you can honestly sit back and say you TRIED everything. You didn't fail.. and you gave it your best shot. Strength and Honor.

I'll check back in before I go to bed.

[oldtimer]

Call your L tonight if possible. You need to understand if you can legally exclude her from her own property. I doubt the fact that you've been covering mortgage payments matters much. But, she did abandon you and her property. So, check with your L ASAP.

And, you can always call her C.O. if she begins to force her way into the house.

[AFWAW]

I would call if she were available but it can wait till normal business hours I think. She doesn't have a way to access the house at this point. Some questions I will be asking my lawyer tomorrow:
1. What grounds do I need for restraining order.
2. Since she's not paying child support anymore and there is no visitation stipulated by the court, do I have to make my daughter go stay with her if she doesn't want to?


I'm trying to think of some more but am stuck at this point. Any questions that anyone can think that I should ask would be greatly appreciated.

I did speak with my father this evening and he suggested I call a realtor and have a for sale sign put out tomorrow to call her bluff. His statement was with the market being what it is right now, I doubt it will sell quickly anyway and it may buy you some time. Pretty good advice, I think as she did say in her email that unless the house was for sale by the end of next week, she would be moving back in.

I did talk with Air Force assignments today--lucky for me, I know the guy who works my assignments. Anyway, he knows of my sitch and asked me if I have considered moving. I have and my first option is Hawaii--there is no kidding an assignment avaialable there to report in May. The problem is, I've heard a lot of bad stories about the school system there. Does anyone have any feedback on this? He said, my second option is to apply for a stateside to stateside base of preference and asked if I had ever considered Tuscon, AZ? Well, I've heard a lot of good things about this area and am leaning towards that. Anyone have any feedback and/or live in this area?

And, you can always call her C.O. if she begins to force her way into the house.

I will consider this and may brief my CO as well as I still have the emails and IMs admitting to me that she cheated on me.

I know hindsight is 20/20 but I wish I would have filed a while ago--I've held on for too long. I fear that this will become ugly very quickly.

[Steve McQueen]

listen to your dad.

[AFWAW]

Interesting, I just got another email from her called divorce request with the following info:

I don't want to move back there. I want a divorce and here are the things I respectfully ask that you agree to:

1. Joint/shared 50-50 custody of daughter. One week on, one week off, rotating holidays. No child support for either of us. For child care, future field trips, other expenditures, even split of payment.
2. Refinance or sell the house. Proceeds from the house can be split in half, with you additionally recouping the principle you paid in while I didn't live there (from Feb 09 onward).
3. I will pay the following bills: my car payment, my credit card payment, and my personal loan. I have no other debts besides mortgage & home equity loans.
4. I would like you to pay the following bills: your car payment, the mortgage, the home equity loan, your Visa, your club card, and any other debt you've incurred since I moved out.
6. We each keep our own retirement with no claim on the other's income.
7. You may continue to claim daughter as a dependent on your taxes for as long as you're receiving dependent rate BAH.
9. For daughter's 529, we can either split the prepaid college payment evenly or as long as you're paying the payment, I will purchase a $100 savings bond for her each month.

If we can come to an agreement on these items, we can do the paperwork ourselves and save a bunch of money on legal bills. Please let me know your concerns.

Let's keep this civil if we can, ok? Thanks


Ok, this email makes me believe that she in fact does not have a lawyer and I will not respond to this until I have consulted mine. While some of these terms may agreeable to me, the one that is not is the split custody of our daughter moving back and forth from one week to the next. That is not fair to her and this arrangement will not work once I get an assignment.

Thoughts? And no, I will not respond until I talk with my lawyer.

[mindfull]

AFW - Do you have a friend that's a realtor? If you don't want to actually sell the house right now, you could get them to list it too high... or even just "borrow" a sign!