WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

So many of us LBHs are in this common state. WAW hangs around in 'limbo' - possibly sleeping in another room but not actively participating in the M but just being co-parents under the same roof. Most have had or currently have an OM lurking somewhere that helps them to stay uncommitted to the M even though LBHs have 'woken up' and are completely willing to work on their half of the problems in the M. Also, most of the WAWs are in their 40s, suddenly very focused on their appearance, have a new job or career or have faced some sort of life crisis like a death.

We try to be nice - be the H that WAW always would have wanted but get nothing in return and in many case it gets worse. WAW rebels and starts talking about how it is 'too late' and that the M was bad for a 'long time' (certainly was 'done' BEFORE any OM showed up). We practice DB techniques and observe their behavior and get some results but nothing earth shattering but we learn throughout the process (hopefully).

We exist in this state for a long time. Finally we start to get fed up and realize that we are only left with 2 choices:

1) continue on same path and maybe by some miracle WAW will 'wake up'
2) take actions to end the M ourselves since WAW doesn't seem inclined to do so, or is scared, or something else

What to do? (1) is the definition of insanity - hoping that doing the same thing will produce different results, right? If you jump to (2) you might have a twinge or regret.

Now, I realize that there are a lot of degrees of freedom within (1) - have you tried different ways to DB and ALL possible techniques relevant to your situation? It is hard to say since every situation is a little different in the details.

Seeing what happened with GIMA had me thinking about all this since he, myself, thinker, tridoc, and various others on these boards are kind of in the same boat.