I will try to abbreviate what has happened. Over a year ago I began seeing some major personality changes in my husband. He started spending hours in the basement playing xbox. His behavior was causing huge fights between us until finally he moved out. He hardly took anything when he left and has not taken anything since. He has nothing to do with his old friends or any of the things he used to love. He is still doing what he always did which is work all the time (he has a very high powered and stressful job) and plays xbox. When he does go out it is with these young partiers. This is not my husband. He used to love being around people and now he keeps himself isolated most of the time and is having problems at work. He helps with nothing at home!!
The only time I see him is when he comes to pick up my D11 and many times he will linger and I know it is to be around me. I feel like he wants to be near me but is almost trying to fight off that desire. Recently there are times when he is affectionate but still will not go on a date or call to check on me. He does say he still loves me and always will.
He filed but only because he thought I was going to and because he said "I wasn't taking this serious enough"??? I have lost twenty poinds!! I am not sure he wants to be divorced. One day he said, "how can I begin to work on us when I am so messed up". I have noticed that if I even mention the relationship he goes for the door. Everything has to stay light and pleasant. But it kills me when he is affectionate then goes and does "whatever" with no responsibility for anything in our lives.
There have been times when I have backed way off and I have gotten two reactions from him, he either backs off too or comes forward a little in a negative "how can you do this to me" kind of way. When I have tried to come forward a little he seems to too but then I feel used!! So is it possible to detach and go dark while still being loving??? Since he said he never felt loved or accepted by me then going dark seems like a mistake. I also don't think he wants to lose me so maybe finally not having me around will make him think! It is possible to lovingly detach and go dark? I hate seeing him like this but I also hate how he treats me!!
Please, Please help me. I love him and I am confused, tired and need someone to talk to me that understands!!
PS. I am almost positive he is not having an affair. I have done A LOT of checking since that would be it for me!!!
