about the alcohol. I'm not sure if he really has a problem, yet. He obviously is stressed and is using it to deal. If the kids complain, he's not going to quit. what adult man wants to obey his compaining kids? I would drop any complaining and try to come up with a creative action the kids can do if he does it again. either leave the room, or write a funny sign, or maybe they should ask their dad for a drink! lol jus kidn. and then when he comes back have them try it.
I would say suggest trying to eliminate any stress at home and try to make the house a fun place to be...with or without H. Act as if...fake it till you make it. speaking of the house...is it tidy or messy? that will make a big difference too.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
ST - my H has been a jerk - it's hard to be nice to a jerk. I have listened and expressed to him that I am here and I want to understand what he's going through. I've been supportive. I have...but he has been cold and distant towards me leaving me to believe he is in an EA with ow or even more.
He told me his LL is personal touch but we aren't close. He is distant right now so that is just hard to do. I tend to believe he is manipulating me with the back and forth stuff. I mean his being nice...then not...it's just as confusing for me!
I'm trying to take a step back this week and just try and forget about our R and have a little fun. It's a much needed break from him.
I see the little ways he is trying too but he's got to try harder just like I am. This is a mess and can't get fixed by trying "just a little."
I am trying so hard to give H the benefit of the doubt but his actions are screaming louder than his words.
He has text me a couple times since yesterday - basic stuff - i landed - going to lunch - etc...one call at night (he always calls me when he goes to his room) i made it short - said i was at dinner - he text me right after that "going to bed :)" i didn't know what to make of that happy face.
I guess what I have been doing isn't working so it's time to change some things when he gets back. I believe this is just BAD communication between us. He is thinking one thing and I the other...we are too busy thinking for each other.
Thanks so much for your input I appreciate your time very much.
Last edited by luvless; 01/06/1008:00 PM.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
about the alcohol. I'm not sure if he really has a problem, yet. He obviously is stressed and is using it to deal. If the kids complain, he's not going to quit. what adult man wants to obey his compaining kids? I would drop any complaining and try to come up with a creative action the kids can do if he does it again. either leave the room, or write a funny sign, or maybe they should ask their dad for a drink! lol jus kidn. and then when he comes back have them try it.
I would say suggest trying to eliminate any stress at home and try to make the house a fun place to be...with or without H. Act as if...fake it till you make it. speaking of the house...is it tidy or messy? that will make a big difference too.
My house is always pretty neat - and yes I know about the kids complaining about the alcohol - they do it to me sometimes too and I'm like what? but H is getting drunk - not just having a couple drinks..that's the difference of what makes the kids upset.
It's my turn to put on the biggest Act as if when he gets back. I need to turn the table and get my power back. I am not good living in limboland.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
I thought that DB taught that you stop doing what isn't working.
It also tells you to record and monitor your results so you can figure out WHY it doesn't work.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
"be consistent..." I thought that DB taught that you stop doing what isn't working.
Um... how can you stop doing what isn't working if you don't do it long enough to see if it isn't working? That's what I mean by being consistent.
This, too.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
