While your H is home, use it to your advantage. Start going out on your own. Do your own thing and not tell him where you're going.
Buy yourself a new sexy outfit and go out. Even if it's just to go to the movies. Hang out with friends. Preferably male ones that he knows.
In a way, you have to become like the WAS to get him to notice you. Let's face it. He has been cake-eating and it's time to show him that you are an independent woman who is desired by others.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Possible baby step from my H. When I found out about our dog's possible tumor, I had a tough decision to make. This would be our third time removing a tumor and my H said that he would leave the decision up to me, but I could tell he had hesitancy to put her through this again (that and finances). He said the decision was up to me as she was my dog before our marriage. After praying all night and all morning about it, I came to my decision.
I called him expecting him to behave a bit rudely towards me because I decided that finances aside, she was a healthy dog otherwise and I wanted to go through with the surgery. When I called him, I was incredibly nervous. I started the conversation by telling him that I would appreciate his support on my decision and in a sense was asking him permission. (You see, I have made all decisions my whole life and our whole marriage. I played to his senses a bit by "asking permission". I can tell my husband deeply wants to feel like "the man". I can understand that and it is a completely justified feeling). He responded very kindly, "I will fully support you on this and we will find a way to make this happen and we will get through this". He went on to say that he agreed with me because she is a perfectly healthy happy dog with the exception of the tumor and that "we" will do this. I asked him for some help during the recovery time to which he agreed.
He has spit venom at me for months now when I have shown any vulnerability, but today he was different and spoke for the first time in terms of "we". I always thought that we made the best team and when we went through our dog's first surgery, that's exactly what we were; a team. My heart felt so much lighter after his response to me. Don't get me wrong, he is still very guarded in his tone, but there was a support from him I haven't felt in months. Possibly because I empowered him a little by "asking" instead of telling him???
I thought today I would list out my goals for my sitch. I really haven't done that concretely yet and feel at times I may be losing site or maybe not on the right track, so here goes:
1- To have my husband have some physical contact with me. 2- My husband will call or text me regularly. 3- My husband will ask me questions about my day or myself. (He has been so self centered during this dilemma and I miss his concern for me). 4- H will ask me out on a "date". 5- My husband will have a meaningful conversation with me about something not pertaining to our relationship for more than 20 minutes.
I know these may seem insignificant, but they mean something to me in the short term. Just will give me a little bit of satisfaction that I may be moving forward.
You just cracked me up with #1. Valid point and noted!
Okay, so to clarify a bit:
1- To have my husband have affectionate physical contact with me (ie. touch my leg, hug, anything that falls outside of the realm of strangling- that was for you Jack, etc.) 2- My husband will call or text me at least once a day. 3- My husband will ask me questions about my day or myself. (He has been so self centered during this dilemma and I miss his concern for me). 4- H will ask me out on a "date" (being something small like lunch or grab dinner. We're not coffee people.) 5- My husband will have a pleasant, meaningful conversation with me about something not pertaining to our relationship for more than 20 minutes.
Better now. You are right about the specifics. I haven't really written my goals before and just let them rattle in my head. There's lots of room to rattle in there, believe me!
Also, anyone recommend any good reads out there other than DR and DB? I bought a book called "Surving Your Husband's Midlife Crisis" and got about 30 pages in before thinking how toxic it was and horrifying that a book like that be marketed. Sorry if anyone enjoyed it, but I thought it was terrible for those looking to restore a marriage.
"House of Testosterone: One Mom's Survival in a Household of Males" by Sharon O'Donnell
"Under the Dome" by Steven King
"The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold
Or did you mean MORE pyschobable stuff...don't you have enough of that right now? Don't you want to enjoy a book instead of adding crap in your head for a little bit?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
