Can you tell me honestly that your perseverating on the evils of stbx's neglect this morning had *no effect*, no dimunition of your available emotional energy and joy towards and for your daughter?
It's not about being right. I don't think anyone here would argue the rights and wrongs of a mother not bothering to contact her daughter on her birthday. It's about the effect on YOU, on the only damn part of this you have a hope of controlling ... your spirit and demeanor. You may be the best actor on the west coast, but perceptive kids can sense what's going on underneath. The more you can manage to kick this crap out of your brain, the more you CAN be there for them, fully there. Will you be able to do it perfectly? Of course not, but I'll admit it vexes me to read your defense above. Would you rather spend your emotional capital to "care deeply" about crimes committed or to "care deeply" about the fact that, right now, today, you are there and they are there and you all love each other and take joy in each other?
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
