I'm going to disagree on the issue of detachment. There's a fundamental difference between detaching as a left-behind spouse and detaching as a co-parent. If that rather inelegant construction means anything, it (should) means CO-operative / CO-ordinated / COnjoint / COmbined parenting. So being upset at a wrong done to a child is an upset of a different order from being upset at this or that thing done or not done to or for me. I mean, I can be completely indifferent to my neighbor, caring nothing for his actions, paint preferences, car, lifestyle choices, etc. But if he comes up and sh*ts on my front stoop, then I can care quite deeply without acquiring an emotional stake in him as a person.
