What are your baby steps?

[patpat]

Mark...

Remember, time is your ally. Patience is what it is going to take, and keep DB'ing. 180's and gal'ing. My W is noticing. W is still with OM, but things are changing for me.

I thought I could not compete with OM because W has moved out and I rarely see her. I was fighting all the advice that I have been given on this board.

Finally, I started to do the things I was told to do.. Boundaries, and sticking to them.... No contact (LRT) until I bleed, and 180'ing everything in my life.... for myself, no body esle.

Funny how it works.... W has started to call me. W has flipped on the I love you thing.... but W is still seeing OM ocassionally and that is the reason for the boundary. She knows what she wants, she will have to make a choice... but no matter what choice she makes, I am in control on me. And if she wants that, that being me, she has to make some hard choices and follow it with even harder action. I got time.

I still do not think I am out of the water, far from it but the baby steps I have noticed are nice... But let me say again, it is okay to be positive about them, but dio not be over enthusiastic about them.... keep a record of what you are doing so you will know and can track what you are doing that works. The things that do not work for you, kill them, and try something else.

I pray that you get your "I love u's " back... and it will take time. My W is aslo still in a weird place. She is an alien, but when she crashes and she will, she'll have that "what was I thinking" thought going on and then there will be hope.

As for being a threat. remember, give her a no pressure enviroment when she is around you, on the phone or elsewhere...

What are you doing to be a threat to W? 180 those things.

No R/M talk etc... stay upbeat and smile when she is around. Smile while talking to her over the phone, she can sense it. Do not be readily available when she needs to talk to you etc....

These are the things I should have been doing from the jump.

Did'nt listen well. Now that I am doing them, I am seeing little positive steps. Does not mean things are fine, just moving slowly forward in a slightly positive direction.

W stated she does not want to file for divorce. Positive sign, but that still does not mean that she does not want one. See, still not there yet.

Good Luck Mark, you are in my prayers....