Trying to move on

[C-Bart]

Part of it is that I am addicted to being in a relationship. I've always had somebody to talk to at the end of the day.

...

Even now, I'm using this board and FaceBook to fill the void.

I think we are wired to be in relationships. That's just how God made us. That's why FB and all the other networking sites are so popular. They allow us to connect.

[mishka422]

CTH - Before you decide about AD's, try St. John's Wort. It's herbal and inexpensive. I've been using it for about 4 months now and it has done wonders for me. Well, that along with IC.

[dwinter82]

How did it go today?

[ClingingToHope]

The end is near. The L painted a horrible picture for me. If W dug in her heels, I'd owe more in child support than I'm paying now and be ordered to pay for daycare, insurance, etc.

The only way to get around the big child support number is to have W agree on joint physical custody. He said if I could get her to agree while we are split and then file four months later, I could convince a judge since it's working we should keep it up.

My head was swimming. I had to call W anyway to make sure she called the bus department to change where the girls are dropped off.

She asked me about the weekend and I brought up the fact I'd like to have them another night during the week. She said she'd have to think about it.

Then I just jumped in. What's going on. She said she still needs to save the $1,000 to file. She's seen three lawyers and is going to use this one in Rockford. She might have the money by March.

There was zero hesitation in her voice. She sounded happy to talk about it.

So I told her I just got out of seeing my attorney and he didn't give me a lot of hope, that I'm going to get killed in divorce.

She said we have a lot of debt and we should sit down on a weekend and come up with an agreement and then take that to the lawyers. She said she wouldn't need the full child support while we're still paying off debt.

This, of course, is my best-case scenario ... but it still just sucks. I'm in tremendous pain today. Eight months apart, the relationship classes, the LRT since October to give her time and space to miss me. And she doesn't. Not at all. She just sounded so damn happy.

I'm a mess.

I know I should jump on her offer and get this going. I know that. I know that. I know that.

She's pounded it into my head that she has no feelings for me and I still, even today, refuse to believe it. I don't know if I'm ever going to get over this.

[C-Bart]

Dude, sorry your having a bad day.

Hate to hit you when your down BUT:
When are you going to stop asking for permission for the things that you deserve? You are entitle to see your kids 50% of the time. You are a great father and those Ds need to have you in their life at least 50% of the time.

There is no thinking about it. You get 50% custody or you move home.

[C-Bart]

Another thing. Why do you think she is pounding those things into your head. Hint its not for your benefit.

Sorry if I'm being hash. Kind of in a bad mood today myself. For a change its not M related!

[C-Bart]

Your goal, and mine, is to began every conversation you have with your W with "I have decided...".

[dwinter82]

I feel your pain, I am on my way to buy some St. Johns Wort...what the hell.

My W is very matter of fact as well when we discuus D stuff. I think like me, you need to get this over with. That does not mean giving up hope but it does get that monkey off of your back.
I read that once couples get a divorce they are better at seeing eye to eye, and that about 10-13% reunite. Now is when we both need to be careful and not cuase further damage. I am doing this by trying to stay friendly and ACCEPT her feelings and position on things. We we talk about the D, it is always in a civil manner

You will get over this, just as I will. Go for a jog!

[ClingingToHope]

C-Bart.

My L was very clear on the joint physical custody thing. I even brought up moving home. He said I could do it, but he'd advise against it. He said it would likely lead to a faster D filing and a contentious one.

Again, I'd be putting all my eggs in the basket of winning joint physical custody in court and that's not been the practice. He said unless I could prove she was unfit then most likely she'd get primary custody and I'd be stuck with the serious CS payment -- most likely around $430 per check just for CS -- not including daycare, healthcare.

I made some serious mistakes eight months ago, but I can't relive them. I need to cut a deal and get on with things. I feel weak that I'm going to need to get a deal from her -- but in the end it's about what's best for my finances isn't it?

[ClingingToHope]

I read that once couples get a divorce they are better at seeing eye to eye, and that about 10-13% reunite.

I agree. Even though I'm a mess now. It's time to get this done. Cut the cord. If there are any feelings left in her, they are buried under her stubborness to make this work. Once the tie is cut, we'll see each other because of the kids. She seems willing to work out a deal on the finances, which will lessen my stress.